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Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Simplicity :: How we make life SO complicated...

I slept over at Jenna's house a few nights ago. It was insane - like all sleepovers with your best friend are. :-)

She brought me to church the next morning, and afterwards, her daddy and my daddy tried to coordinate the exchange of my sleepover stuff. Her daddy got in his car with my stuff, my daddy got in his car on the other side of the parking lot, and it took literally twenty minutes for them to finally pull over by each other and exchange the stuff.

It was hilarious because this simple task took so long to execute. It could have taken five minutes, but instead it took twenty.

And it's like...sometimes, I wonder how much harder I'm making it on myself with life in general. Where I could have simplicity, I have complications. Stress, worry, anxiety - all these things are NOT of God. God is peace...

I walk up the stairs, and I'm literally exhuasted. My lungs are stinging, my knees feel like they are made of burning jelly, and I'm breathing as hard as I am after running three miles. That's what happens when I WALK up the stairs. Not run, but WALK.

As of three weeks ago, I could run three miles in 25 minutes (which isn't so great, but, you know, whatever). Now? I can't run up one flight of STEPS much less run three miles! I'm It's like all I can do is sit at my desk and twiddle my thumbs.

Yesterday, it was pretty nice out, and my mom, Peter and I were doing a project outside. Afterwards, Peter snatched a squirt gun and began chasing after me with it. I ran for ten seconds, max, away from him. I was so out of breath that it was impossible for me to keep running. I pretty much just collapsed on the pavement and lay for about five minutes, gasping.

Ten seconds of running did that to me.

I don't know what's happening to me. For the last seven days or so, I have been able to do nothing of physical strain. I feel like a parasite or something, just sitting around, reading, writing, blogging, designing, taking pictures, texting. I used to run two or three times a week, and two or three miles at a time. I lifted weights, did stretches, went golfing, played soccer, did work projects outside - and now, what am I doing? Sitting around, doing nothing.

This whole thing...however blatant this may seem, I am FREAKED.

I had my blood tested a few weeks ago, if you remember, and we heard back from the doctor. My blood is apparently normal, but this intense exhaustion didn't start until a few days after the appointment. So we're going again in a few hours to get my blood tested again (nooo...more needles .__.).

What's happening with my blood is that, well, let's just call it anemia. It's where my body doesn't have enough healthy red blood cells, which account for "fatigue" (one of the main symptoms) and low iron in the blood, which can cause the body to be sick. That's what the doctor suggested, but that was before she tested my blood, so I'm not exactly sure what I have.

It's really just...making my life a lot more complicated. I'm anxious, discouraged, and it's a lot harder for me to laugh and just really enjoy life. It's making me crabby and down all the time...please just pray for me.

I may not be able to run, or exercise vigorously, for a few more weeks...but I just need to look on the brighter side of things. It'll give me more time for these things...

I just need to give all of this anxiety about this to Him...He can carry it a lot better than I can. Prayer would still be really appreciated...I'll keep you posted if we hear anything more. Meanwhile...I'll go help clean up the furnace room (our septic is clogged). Yuck.

31 replies:

Rachel Danielle said...

I'll be praying for you. I had a light case of anemia once- and I know what it was like. Cranky. Tired. The stairs begin to look like a four mile road... *shivers*.
Again, I'll be praying!

Hannah said...

So it is anemia, huh? So sorry, Bekah. Too bad I can't give you some of my red blood cells...after all, I've got an abnormally high hemoglobin. Looks like we're on opposite ends of the same boat.

Be praying for you,

Lindsay said...

I will be praying for you, Bekah!!

~ Lots of Love,
Lindsay <3

Marissa said...

Girl. I know just what you mean!!! Like seriously. Life was so simply before it got crazy. (duh) but i remember when I was 12-14 I would go outside A LOT more than I do now. I would play soccer and stuff with my siblings. But now.... It seems as if I have no time to do anything of that. All I have time for is school... and maybe so reading and writing... and violin... Me and my friends often talk about how simple life seemed to be when we were younger. When the words "bored" would come out of our mouths. Now we wish for those "bored" moments again.

I hope you get to be feeling better soon! Its not fun when you can't do the things you used to. I'll be praying real hard for you girlie!

Love ya!!

The Golden Eagle said...

I hope your blood gets back to normal! Just sitting around all the time and not being able to do anything sucks.

Jordyn said...

Oh Bekah, I'm praying for you! I hope that your appointment today goes well, and I cannot wait to see you tomorrow! In the evening, of course, since we don't have writing class anymore! Halelujah, praise the lord :)

Eldarwen said...

Bekah, dear, I am praying for you! I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. It must be tough. My dad (much like you) couldn't stand it when he felt fatigued, and it made him crabby as well. Fatigue is not easy to deal with, so I'm definitely praying for you. You know, God may be using your fatigue to strengthen your relationship with Him. Like, how you'll have more time to read His word. Fatigue may be a big pain, but it can also be a big blessing. :)

Love you!

[Laurea] said...

I know exactly where you're coming from, Bekah. Apparently the artery in my heart that carries blood to the rest of my body is growing, and it's probably going to tear soon. Not good. Not being able to play sports really is upsetting, but now I have more time to do peaceful activities and just take a deep breath.

I'll pray for you!


Jenna said...

That was really funny when our dads were chaseing each other trying to get to one another! :)
Be praying for you hon


Siriana said...

My mom suffered from severe anemia a couple years ago.
Something we found out contributed to it, is an even more severe potassium deficiency. As it turns out, many health problems are actually contributed to some sort of potassium deficiency, even a slight one. Might be something to ask your doctor about...sometimes they miss potassium deficiency for years (my moms had it her whole life and they've just found it the past few months).
Just a suggestion ^_^
blessings and prayers to you in this time!

PS...try eating a banana or some avocado in the morning, or when your feeling might help.

Emii said...

Aww, I hope the results you got back are good!:)

And I awarded you over at my blog:)


HIS daughter said...

Oh Bekah. I am so sorry that you have been struggling so much with your health lately. You definitely have the right attitude in the midst of it all. Keep your eyes on Jesus girl and He will give you the peace that passes all understanding! I know what it is like to be sick and not entirely sure what it is but to be so exhausted you can not move and I know how hard that is! I am praying for you!
Blessings and hugs!

Evergreena said...

I'll certainly be praying for you! In the past, I had a similar condition... I was always tired and lethargic, and my heart would go crazy if I tried to do anything strenuous. My mom thought I had mono, but they tested me and I didn't have it.

I still get frustrated with feeling weak, so I know what it's like.

Hope you get better soon! And keep looking at the bright side! You may feel less freaked if you focus on doing things you love.

Melian said...

I'm praying for you, Bekah... I hope everything goes well. :)

Which Mysterious Benedict Society are you reading? I recognized Constance in the picture. :)

Love & Hugs, Melian

Christinie said...

I have anemia too. I was very very sick. I am on the road to recovery I got infused with iron, like a transfusion. I am praying for you. It so so sucks!

Diana said...

Praying for God to provide strength and healing to you. {gentle hugz}

Autumn said...

Oh you poor thing . I will most certainly be praying for you.

Kade said...

just gunna let you know that im praying for you.

Lynnette Kraft said...

Poor Bekah. I just heard the update - that you were admitted to the hospital. I updated my prayer request for you. Silas (our 8 year old) had a reaction to an antihistamine when he was 4 and had a hemolytic anemia. His hemoglobin went down to 6. He had a blood transfusion and then rapidly got better. I put him out in the sunshine with his shirt off (sun regenerates red blood cells) and juiced carrots and beets (beets enrich your blood). He's never had a relapse. Praise God!

We'll keep praying!

Chloé said...

I am praying for you Bekah!!!

Jordyn said...

Tyler heard my mom and I talking about you, and he ran into the room and said, "WHAT is wrong with Bekah?! Is she gonna be okay????" He is so extremely worried for his Bekah. :) He and Maliya have been making you cards all morning, and they can't stop praying! My whole family is thinking about you, you're in our prayers! (oh, and tyler says you can call him 'tyre' again, cause he "just loves Bekah" :)

Lindsay said...

Hi Bekah!
I just wanted to stop by again and let you know that I'm thinking about you and praying!!

~ Lots of Love,
Lindsay <3

Taylor said...

Hi Bekah,
I just came over from Hannah's blog (at Aspire) to let you know that I will really be praying for you!! Just remember that God is holding you in His hand, and He loves you very much! ...And so do I! =)

May the Lord bless you and keep you always!


"Trust in the Lord with all your heart..." Proverbs 3:5

Abigail Kraft said...

I read about all of your recent developments on Hannah's blog, and I've been praying for you all morning. I'm so sorry, dearest! :( I know you probably won't read this until you're doing considerably better, but I just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you and I know this must be scary for you.

I love you, and I'm praying that you'll be doing loads better very soon! <3

Emily Joy said...

Bekah, the same thing happened to me last week! It was SOOO scary! I can totally relate. But please don't get discouraged, I always am so excited when it shows up in my feed that you wrote a post! Your blog is so much fun and you write with such honesty! You're kind of like me in that we both love designing and photography! Don't be too hard on yourself... Psalm 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. I'll be praying for you!!!

Emma said...

I'm soo sorry!!! I'll be praying for you! I noticed that you we're reading a Mysterious Benedict Society =] I love those books!!!


Barbie said...

I wanted you to know that I have been praying for you, that God would heal your body and that all of your numbers would return to normal. Peace and strength to you!

Marissa said...

I just read Hannah's post, and I just wanted to say I am praying SO hard for you girl!!!! I know its a rough time for you, but you can get through it! You WILL get through it!!!! PRAYING FOR YOU GIRLIE!!!!!


Emii said...

Hey Bekah,
Ohh, I read Hannah's post, too... I'm really praying for you:)

melanie:::adorkable said...

oh, Bekah! I had no idea all of this was going on. I just read Abigail's blog which linked me to Hannah's blog to discover the misery you've been dealing with. Losing so many of your favorite activities has to be really hard and totally frustrating! I hope you recover quickly from the blood transfusion and are back on your feet fast!

Blessings in HIM who provides all our needs!

Izori said...

A little late, but...I'm praying for ya! Get well soon!

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