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Thursday, December 29, 2011

I'm sick of all the insincere

Destination unknown. Surroundings unfriendly. Alone. The path under your feet is the path already tread by the people who have gone before you and set their expectations for you before you. You're trying so hard but the snow is just too thick, too deep. Your boots keep getting stuck, the ice finds its way into your socks to pierce your skin, sweat on your brow despite the frigid environment. Life around you is nonexistent; this frozen wonderland looks so beautiful but when you venture out in it you find that it's cold, that you're alone, and lost. In the rush to enter this seemingly wonderful place, you've forgotten to put on proper clothes; the wind is roaring against your face, stinging your face, your ears, your lips. You look down at the footprints, remember that your ancestors have already walked this path, and that you should be  able to do the same. So instead of turning back, you push on; you don't know where you're going, but you know that you have to continue otherwise you'll elicit the crushing disappointment of the ones whom you love. The sun starts to dip below the horizon. The shadows lengthen, dusk falls, the temperature plummets. You're hopelessly caught in your own folly, and this world that once beckoned you now rejects you. Its beauty to you is gone forever. You've lost the naivety once so precious to you. You're weary and exhausted. A tear slips down your cheek and freezes there. You ask yourself, why did you ever leave your warm home to brave this unfriendly place? Why did you ever leave the ones who you love to enter this world that hates you? Despair seizes your soul, and you watch as the last of the light leaves. And then you realize: you're completely alone in this freezing darkness that threatens to snatch your life away.

Does that sound familiar to anyone? Is anyone else in that dark place of your life in which you wonder what you have gotten yourself into? I hope I'm not as alone as I feel...

I've progressed a little. Picked myself up a little. I admit, I'm being melodramatic. I tend to be that way...

I know you all don't know what's going on my life, and I don't know what's going on in yours. But let's make a promise to each other, shall we? Let's promise to be kind to the people we pass by on the street. The hardest battles anyone ever fights are the ones they keep hidden. The same people you see smiling throughout the day are the same people who cry themselves to sleep at night. Everyone is fighting a harder battle. So be kind. You never know what a kind word or a listening ear could do to someone who desperately needs it.

I'm not saying I'm one of those people, I have a wonderful family, supportive friends, and a bright future. I have everything looking up for me. But I'm so scared that the mistakes I'm making now will affect my life forever. I'm afraid people will find out that I'm not as strong as I make myself seem. I'm so scared that my inability to trust will just grow worse as I grow older, and soon I will be truly alone, having rejected the only people who truly love me. 

I'm just rambling now. So I think I'll stop. Thanks for reading. 

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

chasing shadows

"It's always darkest before the dawn."
-Florence and the Machine

Before I start writing anything, go listen to Florence and the Machine. I'm obsessed with her. Go.Do.It.Now. I promise you'll fall in love!

So hey guys. It's been a while, I know. I haven't been very faithful with keeping up this blog. The last post was in what, August?

Merry Christmas, by the way! I hope everyone had a happy holiday.

I'm just jumping all over the place, but go listen to this:
I'm in love...

What's been going on in my life lately? I've just been doing the same old same old, but a big step for me this December was that I got rid of my phone and had my dad change my password for my Facebook so that I've been really isolated from the technology that used to be pretty much my life.

That's really helped me focus on the things above, ha that sounds funny but it's true. I read Einstein by Walter Isaacson and The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini, both in the same week - both are really good, I recommend them both! I'm about a third through The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich by William Shirer (I think thats how you spell his last name, ha) , and considering I started it two days ago, I think that's pretty good progress! Ha.

Thanks for reading, just thought I'd drop by and write something, since I haven't for about 2398472398 years!

just amused by my brand new Macbook pro web cam :)

Love, Bekah
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