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Thursday, August 11, 2011

does anybody hear her?

"she is running a hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction."
-casting crowns, does anybody hear her.

So, I've been realizing some things.

One: I've changed a lot. Reading this blog can clearly show you that. Last summer, I was a different girl.

Two: This change that I've gone through is not good at all. I'm thinking things, saying things, that I would not have thought or said a year ago...

Three: Something needs to change. I was hoping that it would be this summer that I would really re-adjust my focus, but it hasn't really happened.

I've always been a sort of nostalgic person, I've always been aware of how fast time is flying by, how fast I'm changing, etc. But I look at this picture, and I sort of want to cry.

Look at us. Look at me. I'm dressed in a t-shirt, my hair is atrocious, I have no make-up on, braces; overall I look disgusting. But look at how happy we all are. We dont give a crap about what anybody thinks, we're just happy to be around each other. There's no boundaries between us; we're all innocent, carefree, and just plain happy.

Look at me, just last year.

Look at me now.

Do you even see a resemblance?

I don't.

Yeah, the second girl looks more like the stereotype pretty. But to me, the first girl is more beautiful. There's something in the first girl's smile that's geniune. The second girl's smile is superficial...

The first girl. (on the right)..again with the dorky braids.

And the second girl.

There's really no way to explain this. You can just see it...everything about me has become more shallow. I've become more "normal". Which is exactly what I do NOT want to be. Sure I don't want to look like the first girl for the rest of my life. But there's this element about the second girl that is so fake..

I don't really know what to say, except to apologize. I'm sorry for changing? That's not awkward at all...

Can I make a request for anybody who's reading this (if anyone..)? Could you pray for me? That's a hard question, and even more awkward for me than the apology...I'd really appreciate prayer. I'm a prideful person, and thats a huge flaw in me that I'm trying to work out. I know you're probably sitting there like, I have a million things to do, i'm not gonna remember to pray for a girl I've never even met. But I'd not only appreciate prayer, but I need it.

Could you pray for specifically four things?

Wisdom, to be able to find my way back.
Discernment, to be able to know what is wrong and what is right.
Strength, to be able to say no when I know something's wrong.
And humility, to be able to accept my flaws and want to change them.

I can't believe I'm quoting hannah montana, but:

"you can change your hair and you can change your clothes; you can change your mind, that's just the way it goes. You can say goodbye and you can say hello; but you'll always find your way back home."

That's all for now. Thanks for reading.


Sunday, August 7, 2011

Sorry my blog is extremely boring...

^^^that's me...I edit pictures when I'm bored, and blog when I'm bored. Maybe that's why my blog is so boring. I apologize. I assume you're bored because you're reading I'm gonna do a tag and 100 truths, just for kicks. (:

1. When you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning, what’s the first thing you say?

When I look at myself in the morning, I'm usually pretty tired and don't have a ton of coherent thoughts but the majority of the time it's "ugh...." hahah :)
2. How much cash do you have on you?
None ON me, but in my purse I have about 90 dollars in cash and 50 in checks .

3. What’s a word that rhymes with “TEST”?


4. Favorite planet?

um...mars..duh. (;
5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?

Jenna <3
6. What is your main ring tone on your phone?

i always have my phone on vibrate.
7. What shirt are you wearing?
a t-shirt i got from a race I was in.

8. Do you “label” yourself?

no, not really. i'm trying to break out of the whole stereotyping thing.
9. Name the brand of your shoes you’re currently wearing?

none..who wears shoes in their house ?! :)

10. Bright or Dark Room?


11. What were you doing at midnight last night?

watching tv at my neighbors house, hahah
12. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?

13. What’s a saying that you say a lot?

i use the word "like" a in:

"yeah, she was like wow and i was like omg and then we were like freaking out."

hahahahahh . i crack myself up...sadly.
14. Who told you they loved you last?

my best friend :)
15. Last furry thing you touched?

the carpet...? hahah i dont know.
16. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?
digital babyyyy .

17. Favorite age you have been so far?
14..? hahah im so young. -__-

18. Your worst enemy?
selena gomez...justin bieber's girlfriend. She's stealing my man.

19. What is your current desktop picture?

me and my friends hannah, janaye, and tessa
20. What was the last thing you said to someone?

"i know"
21. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to change a major regret?

a million bucks, just because I really don't have a major regret.
22. Do you like someone?

At the moment, I'm gonna have to say no.
23. The last song you listened to?

Cody Simpson, On My Mind. <333333333333333333

100 Truths.

1.Real name: Rebekah Grace Shaffer

2. Nicknames(s): Bekah, Bekster, Bek-bek, Piglet, REbekah (my friends call me that when they're pissed..), hahah etc.

3. Zodiac Sign: no idea and I'm wayyyy too lazy to go look it up.
4. Male or female: i'm secretly male, guys....hahahah female.
5. Elementary School: my basement..(;

6. Middle School: my couch

7. High School: Rogers High School

8. Natrual Hair color: blonde

9. Tall or short: on the taller side..

11. Sweats or Jeans: jeans

12. Phone or Camera: Phone

13. Health freak: Oh yes. but give me junk food, and I swear to God I will eat it all.

14. Orange or Apple: orange, but it really depends on my mood.

15. Do you have a crush on someone? Not right now .

16. Eat or Drink: drinkkk

18. Pepsi or Coke: ehhh neither.


19. Been in an airplane: Yes

21. Been in a car accident: No

22. Been in a fist fight: No

23. First piercing: 1st ear hole

24. First best friend: Krista :)

25. First award: hahah no idea. probably a dorky little homeschool ribbon or something...hahahahah.
26. First crush: too long ago

27. First word: Mom? hahahah i dont know.

29. Last person you talked to in person: MY SISTA.

30. Last person you texted: Hannah
31. Last person you watched a movie with: my sista.

32. Last food you ate: pineapple.

33. Last movie you watched: The Last Song

34. Last song you listen to: Cody Simpson, On My Mind. i'm obsessed with that boy.

35. Last thing you bought: a bebe belt <3

36. Last person you hugged: my grandma...hahah awk. :)

37. Food: that's a hard one...I'm a living garbage disposal. Put something in front of me and I will eat it.

38. Art/Band: At the moment: cody simpson, justin bieber, rihanna, one republic, gym class hero & SO many others.

39. Bottoms: In the summer? running shorts. in the school year? jeans
40. Flower: roses..lame I know.

41. Animal: ehh idk, some sort of cute dog :)
42. Colors: Yellow, pink, blue..

43. Movies: I like WAYY too many movies to give you specific titles, but I like romance, action, drama. I HATE scary movies.

44. Subjects: English and science.


(Put an X in the brackets if yes)

45. [] fell in love with someone. i dont know enough about love to answer this..hahah

46. [X] celebrated Halloween.

47. []had your heart broken... once again, i dont know..yes and no.

48. [X] went over the minutes/texts on your cell phone.

49. [] had someone question my sexual orientation.

51. [] got pregnant.

52. [] had an abortion.

53. [x] did something I regret.

54. [x] broke a promise.

55. [x] hid a secret.
56. [x] pretended to be happy.

57. [x] met someone who changed your life.

58. [X] pretended to be sick.

59. [X] left the country.
60. [x] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it.

61. [X] cried over the silliest thing.

62. [x] ran a mile. haha too many..

63. [X] went to the beach with your best friend.

64. [x] got into an argument with your friends.

65. [X] hated someone.

66. [x] stayed single for 2 years.

67. Eating: nothing
68. Drinking: nothing

69. Listening: cody simpson all day <3

70. Sitting/Laying: Sitting
71. Plans for today: get off and do violin and watch a moviee :)

72. Waiting: for the music video to load so i can watch cody simpson <3

73. Want kids? yes :)

74. Want to get married? Duh

75. Career: english professor/writer or maybe an editor

76. Live: Happily
77. Piercing: cartilage, tragus, belly button, and i want my nose pierced. doubtful on the belly button and nose, tho, but i def want cartilage and tragus, and probably some more ear piercings.
78. Romantic or spontaneous: romantic

81. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship
82. Looks or personality: both :) but personality is definitely more important.

83. Lost glasses/contacts: yess
84. Snuck out of a house: No

85. Held a gun/knife for self defense: No

86. Killed somebody: hahah duh...all day errday. i just go around murdering people.
87. Broken someone's heart: maybe..?

88. Been in love: no

89. Cried when someone died: Yes


90. Yourself: not really

91. Miracles: yes
92. Love at first sight: it can happen
93. Heaven: Yes

94. Santa Clause? duh...hahah KIDDING. (;

95. Sex on the first date: noooooooooooooo

96. Kiss on the first date: sure? hahaha idc
97. Is there one person you want to be with right now: yes

98. Do you know who your real friends are: thank God, yes
99. Do you believe in God: Yes!

100. Do you want to grow up?: No blog sorta sucks...alright. hahah . I promise I'll post something good soon...
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