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Thursday, August 11, 2011

does anybody hear her?

"she is running a hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction."
-casting crowns, does anybody hear her.

So, I've been realizing some things.

One: I've changed a lot. Reading this blog can clearly show you that. Last summer, I was a different girl.

Two: This change that I've gone through is not good at all. I'm thinking things, saying things, that I would not have thought or said a year ago...

Three: Something needs to change. I was hoping that it would be this summer that I would really re-adjust my focus, but it hasn't really happened.

I've always been a sort of nostalgic person, I've always been aware of how fast time is flying by, how fast I'm changing, etc. But I look at this picture, and I sort of want to cry.


Look at us. Look at me. I'm dressed in a t-shirt, my hair is atrocious, I have no make-up on, braces; overall I look disgusting. But look at how happy we all are. We dont give a crap about what anybody thinks, we're just happy to be around each other. There's no boundaries between us; we're all innocent, carefree, and just plain happy.

Look at me, just last year.


Look at me now.


Do you even see a resemblance?

I don't.

Yeah, the second girl looks more like the stereotype pretty. But to me, the first girl is more beautiful. There's something in the first girl's smile that's geniune. The second girl's smile is superficial...

The first girl. (on the right)..again with the dorky braids.


And the second girl.


There's really no way to explain this. You can just see it...everything about me has become more shallow. I've become more "normal". Which is exactly what I do NOT want to be. Sure I don't want to look like the first girl for the rest of my life. But there's this element about the second girl that is so fake..

I don't really know what to say, except to apologize. I'm sorry for changing? That's not awkward at all...

Can I make a request for anybody who's reading this (if anyone..)? Could you pray for me? That's a hard question, and even more awkward for me than the apology...I'd really appreciate prayer. I'm a prideful person, and thats a huge flaw in me that I'm trying to work out. I know you're probably sitting there like, I have a million things to do, i'm not gonna remember to pray for a girl I've never even met. But I'd not only appreciate prayer, but I need it.

Could you pray for specifically four things?

Wisdom, to be able to find my way back.
Discernment, to be able to know what is wrong and what is right.
Strength, to be able to say no when I know something's wrong.
And humility, to be able to accept my flaws and want to change them.

I can't believe I'm quoting hannah montana, but:

"you can change your hair and you can change your clothes; you can change your mind, that's just the way it goes. You can say goodbye and you can say hello; but you'll always find your way back home."

That's all for now. Thanks for reading.

-Bekah


17 replies:

Izori said...

I'll pray for you, Bekah!

BTW, those braids look really nice. =) I've always loved braids.

Siriana said...

Praying for you Bekah :) hang in there, I know what you're going through...I've been there, heck I still go through that...

blessings & prayers
-Siriana

[Lauren] said...

Hey, Bekah! I'm not sure if you remember me but I wanted to say I think you're such a strong girl and you can be whoever you want to be! I can relate to you in the fact that now I'm a completely different person than I was a year ago, and I'm trying desperately to become who I was. Just stay strong and give yourself credit because you seem like an amazing person. :) I'll definitely pray for you!

Love,
Lauren (you might remember me as Laurea? (; )

Autumn said...

I'll be praying for you. We all need prayer and there is no shame in asking for it. I know what you're going through. Prayers are imoportant.
~
Autumn

Emily Ann said...

I'll be praying for you Bekah.
I know it's not an easy thing to ask for prayer when it's about yourself. (Would it be strange to say I'm proud of you? If not, I am.)

I will be keeping you in my prayers.

In Christ,
Emily Ann

Seth Skogerboe said...

PrayED. PrayING. WILL pray. All three bases... I think your set. :-)

Emii said...

I know how you're feeling, Bekah. Because I'm feeling the same. I'll be praying these things for you; now may I ask that you'll pray the same for me? I need it, too. Thankyou so much.

Luv,Emii

MaKenna Morgan said...

I just found your blog through a friend's, and I just have to say - your gorgeous! But I understand what you mean about how you can sometimes become something or someone you don't want to be. I will deffinitly be praying for you!

MaKenna Morgan

http://life-in-parentheses.blogspot.com/

Emily said...

I'll pray for you, Bekah. I think the braids are awesome. And I love t-shirts. You're beautiful no matter what you wear :) <3

In Christ,
Emily

Mia said...

Hey, if you don't mind being prayed for by someone you don't even know, I definitely don't mind doing it! I know how you're feeling... I've been there many times.

And, yes, this may sound weird coming from a complete stranger, but I'm so proud of you for recognizing that you've changed for what you think is the worst. Most girls don't, and even if they do, they're not willing to do anything about it.

It saddens me to think of all the girls who believe that uniformity is better than individuality. It takes a lot of gut to step out and be YOU. Galatians 1:10 really spoke to me this week, I'd encourage you to look it up!

By the way, I'm Mia. Let us be strangers no more :)

Bekah said...

Thank you all so much for your beautiful comments. :)

Jami Balmet said...

Just landed on your blog site for the first time and I love this post! Thank you for being so humble for sharing this. It's wonderful that you can recognize this in yourself. I went through the same thing a few years ago, going from not really caring to wanting to look like a beautiful young woman. It's a very fine line to walk. God has given us natural beauty and yet we are not to be flashy or showy and definitely not prideful. Thank you for this post. I have shared it with my sisters.

I appreciate your humility in posting it. I will be back to read more :)

Stephani said...

I'm happy to pray! You'll work it out as long as you go to THE SOURCE who gave you that sparkle to begin with. To be honest, what you are going through happens to many people. It's part of finding your way as a young lady. I think you know where you need to be though, and I'll pray that you have the wisdom and courage to go there. When you find Him waiting there for you, you'll find yourself as well! Blessing to you!

AnnaKate said...

I've never met you and I'd never heard of your blog, but now I know that God led me here.

I will definitely be praying for you-- this is a mark of true humility that you recognize the problem and are addressing it. Change is hard-- the only thing we can control is how we react to it, and we even need God's help to do that positively! I will pray for you!

Shelley said...

I can barely see the resemblance, you've changed so much! :) But maybe the two girls aren't so different, I think the second one just got caught up with life and the world. I'll pray for you Bekah!

Emily Rachelle said...

I'll pray for you.


I'm a follower from Struggles of a (Maybe) Teen Author. Visit my blog at www.maybeteenauthor.blogspot.com

Anna Gray said...

Praying for you, Bekah!

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