You! Yeah, you! Guess what? You're beautiful.

We all have those days where the world seems against us. When, for no particular reason, everything everyone does just discourages you or annoys you. Where every glance, every word, builds up until your day is an agglomeration of disappointment, discouragement, and pain. Maybe it was a comment someone made. Maybe it was an attitude someone had towards you. Whatever those things are that discourage you, I'm sure we've all been familiar with them. 

I would like to just write a post about you. You. You know who you are. You're the one reading this post.

You were just scrolling along your blog newsfeed and the title of this blog post caught your eye. You decided you'd like to read my blog, so you clicked on over to The Word Crafter. You've been through a lot and you've had a hard day. Just close your eyes and let that fatigue, that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach, that sadness, let that all wash over you. Yeah, you've had a hard day.

But you know what? You are the most beautiful, unique, smart, kind, talented person I've ever met. You have a way of touching other people's lives, that wherever you go, you leave a trail of good-feeling behind you. You are strong, so strong. You set an example for everyone around you. Even though you stumble sometimes, we all do. You're not alone in this struggle of yours. There are millions of people all around this globe that are feeling the same emotions you're feeling right now, and even though it might be hard to realize right now, you can be certain, as surely as the sun rises every morning, that you will overcome this tough stage in your life, and you will be the bigger and better person because of it.

You know that person in your life, that person who's life goal it is to tear you down and make you feel horrible about yourself? Maybe it's a boyfriend, or a best friend, or maybe even a family member, like your mom or your dad, or maybe a brother or a sister. I know it's ridiculous to even think about, considering everything bad they've done to you, but you need to forgive them. Think about all those things they've said to you; and just let it go. Hard day? Yeah...

I would like to tell you how much I appreciate you. You are such a blessing, to everyone around you, even if you don't realize it. 

I wish I could make you realize just how wonderful you are, just the way you are. And I wish I could make you also realize how much God loves you. Our minds are so small that we can't even imagine it. Even though we fail, and we sin, and we screw everything up, and we ignore Him, and we are arrogant and think we are in control of everything, He loves us. And just because of that guarantee of His perfect love, we should be singing and smiling and praising and dancing until the end of our days. 

Hard day? I know a little bit about those. But so does He. He has seen every day in every person's life every since the beginning of time. And you know what? He cares about your day. I encourage you to talk to Him. You'll find the best friend you'll ever have. And even though He seems far away sometimes, I promise you He's not. He knows you better than you know yourself; after all, He created you.

Stay beautiful.

"You is kind. You is smart. You is important." -The Help. 

If you ever need someone to talk to, just shoot me an email or leave me a comment with yours, and I'll get back to you. I'll be here to listen, if you need someone to. 

the only one we have to please

Fat. Ugly. Annoying. Weird. Loud. No one likes me. I'm not good at anything. I'm not going anywhere with my life. 

Does any of that sound familiar? That voice that always present in your mind - whispering that you're not good enough. That despair when you start to believe those whispers. That hatred that builds up within you - not hatred towards anybody else, but hatred towards yourself. 

That feeling of incompetence, inability; that feeling of I'm just not good enough. Yeah, that feeling? It's been a constant companion for the past three years, or longer. It's just always been in my life. As long as that demon has clung to me, I've been insecure, clinging to meaningless compliments, stretching those compliments as far as I could before I discarded them. Instead of appreciating the opinion of others, I lived for it. It was the only way that I could feel good about myself.

This happens to a lot of us girls. I already see that spirit of dissatisfaction starting in my little sister, and what hurts the most is that I feel like I planted it there. I was always complaining about how I looked, I was always trying to lose weight, or buy more clothes, or perfect my hair and makeup. How could a little girl be happy with what she looked like when her older sister was constantly showing her that it's not okay to like how you look. 

2012? Yeah, I'm changing that. With the help of God, I'm going to leave this demon behind me. I'm not going to be cocky - but confident. I'm taking the opinion of others and throwing it in the trash, because that's all it is. Junk. I don't care if the opinion of others is positive or negative, because there is only one person we need to please and He couldn't care less what kind of clothes we wear, or how pretty we are, or how athletic. I'm laughing because of how pathetic and childish I've been these last couple of years. I got so caught up in Satan's lies, I didn't even realize it. 

My generation's identity is on the opinion of others. Think about it, girls. When was the last time you looked in the mirror and didn't think "oh crap my hair sucks today..." or "wow my makeup is awful" or "why am I so ugly?" When was the last time you looked in the mirror and was like "I may not be perfect, but God made me in His image and He loves me. So I'm going to keep my head up, not listen to the chitter-chatter of this world, and be confident. Not because I think I look good, but because the only one who matters loves me more than I can imagine."

I challenge you, ladies. As Christians in this twisted generation, we are the lights, we are the salt. We have to stand up, we have to set examples, for our friends, for our younger sisters, for strangers. 

Our identity is not based on what we look like. You can't take credit for your beauty. If you're pretty, it's because God made you pretty. What you look like has nothing to do with you. The beauty we should be concerned with is our inward beauty, which to me is so much more important than our outward beauty.

It's repulsive that my generation (including me!) is so obsessed with outward appearances. Obsessed. We're obsessed, possessed, whatever. Satan has a pretty strong hold on our generation, girls. We have to see that, recognize that, and change that. 

My new years resolution? I have a few...

To stop basing my identity on the opinion of others.

To stop the feeling of I'm not good enough.

To stop looking in the mirror and hating what I see.

To stop obsessing over compliments.

To start setting an example for my little sister.

To start setting an example for my friends.

To start building others up.

To start seeing God in others.

To start showing God to others.

To start making my actions louder than my words.

To start being unconditionally rooted in God.

To not saying God I'm ugly but saying I am made in God's image.

To realize God's incomprehensible love for me.

To understand my responsibility as a young Christian girl to bring the light to the people around me.

To live this year WITHOUT the demons that have haunted me for so long.

That's me. I look at that picture and see all of the imperfections in my skin, my smile, my hair, my eyes, my eyebrows. And that has to STOP. 

Who's with me?

I'm sick of all the insincere

Destination unknown. Surroundings unfriendly. Alone. The path under your feet is the path already tread by the people who have gone before you and set their expectations for you before you. You're trying so hard but the snow is just too thick, too deep. Your boots keep getting stuck, the ice finds its way into your socks to pierce your skin, sweat on your brow despite the frigid environment. Life around you is nonexistent; this frozen wonderland looks so beautiful but when you venture out in it you find that it's cold, that you're alone, and lost. In the rush to enter this seemingly wonderful place, you've forgotten to put on proper clothes; the wind is roaring against your face, stinging your face, your ears, your lips. You look down at the footprints, remember that your ancestors have already walked this path, and that you should be  able to do the same. So instead of turning back, you push on; you don't know where you're going, but you know that you have to continue otherwise you'll elicit the crushing disappointment of the ones whom you love. The sun starts to dip below the horizon. The shadows lengthen, dusk falls, the temperature plummets. You're hopelessly caught in your own folly, and this world that once beckoned you now rejects you. Its beauty to you is gone forever. You've lost the naivety once so precious to you. You're weary and exhausted. A tear slips down your cheek and freezes there. You ask yourself, why did you ever leave your warm home to brave this unfriendly place? Why did you ever leave the ones who you love to enter this world that hates you? Despair seizes your soul, and you watch as the last of the light leaves. And then you realize: you're completely alone in this freezing darkness that threatens to snatch your life away.

Does that sound familiar to anyone? Is anyone else in that dark place of your life in which you wonder what you have gotten yourself into? I hope I'm not as alone as I feel...

I've progressed a little. Picked myself up a little. I admit, I'm being melodramatic. I tend to be that way...

I know you all don't know what's going on my life, and I don't know what's going on in yours. But let's make a promise to each other, shall we? Let's promise to be kind to the people we pass by on the street. The hardest battles anyone ever fights are the ones they keep hidden. The same people you see smiling throughout the day are the same people who cry themselves to sleep at night. Everyone is fighting a harder battle. So be kind. You never know what a kind word or a listening ear could do to someone who desperately needs it.

I'm not saying I'm one of those people, I have a wonderful family, supportive friends, and a bright future. I have everything looking up for me. But I'm so scared that the mistakes I'm making now will affect my life forever. I'm afraid people will find out that I'm not as strong as I make myself seem. I'm so scared that my inability to trust will just grow worse as I grow older, and soon I will be truly alone, having rejected the only people who truly love me. 

I'm just rambling now. So I think I'll stop. Thanks for reading. 

chasing shadows

"It's always darkest before the dawn."

-Florence and the Machine

Before I start writing anything, go listen to Florence and the Machine. I'm obsessed with her. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WbN0nX61rIs&ob=av3n Go.Do.It.Now. I promise you'll fall in love!

So hey guys. It's been a while, I know. I haven't been very faithful with keeping up this blog. The last post was in what, August?

Merry Christmas, by the way! I hope everyone had a happy holiday.

I'm just jumping all over the place, but go listen to this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uR5IFlKY-_k&feature=related
I'm in love...

What's been going on in my life lately? I've just been doing the same old same old, but a big step for me this December was that I got rid of my phone and had my dad change my password for my Facebook so that I've been really isolated from the technology that used to be pretty much my life.

That's really helped me focus on the things above, ha that sounds funny but it's true. I read Einstein by Walter Isaacson and The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini, both in the same week - both are really good, I recommend them both! I'm about a third through The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich by William Shirer (I think thats how you spell his last name, ha) , and considering I started it two days ago, I think that's pretty good progress! Ha.

Thanks for reading, just thought I'd drop by and write something, since I haven't for about 2398472398 years!

just amused by my brand new Macbook pro web cam :)

Love, Bekah

does anybody hear her?

"she is running a hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction."

-casting crowns, does anybody hear her.

So, I've been realizing some things.

One: I've changed a lot. Reading this blog can clearly show you that. Last summer, I was a different girl.

Two: This change that I've gone through is not good at all. I'm thinking things, saying things, that I would not have thought or said a year ago...

Three: Something needs to change. I was hoping that it would be this summer that I would really re-adjust my focus, but it hasn't really happened.

I've always been a sort of nostalgic person, I've always been aware of how fast time is flying by, how fast I'm changing, etc. But I look at this picture, and I sort of want to cry.

Look at us. Look at me. I'm dressed in a t-shirt, my hair is atrocious, I have no make-up on, braces; overall I look disgusting. But look at how happy we all are. We dont give a crap about what anybody thinks, we're just happy to be around each other. There's no boundaries between us; we're all innocent, carefree, and just plain happy.

Look at me, just last year.

Look at me now.

Do you even see a resemblance?

I don't.

Yeah, the second girl looks more like the stereotype pretty. But to me, the first girl is more beautiful. There's something in the first girl's smile that's geniune. The second girl's smile is superficial...

The first girl. (on the right)..again with the dorky braids.

And the second girl.

There's really no way to explain this. You can just see it...everything about me has become more shallow. I've become more "normal". Which is exactly what I do NOT want to be. Sure I don't want to look like the first girl for the rest of my life. But there's this element about the second girl that is so fake..

I don't really know what to say, except to apologize. I'm sorry for changing? That's not awkward at all...

Can I make a request for anybody who's reading this (if anyone..)? Could you pray for me? That's a hard question, and even more awkward for me than the apology...I'd really appreciate prayer. I'm a prideful person, and thats a huge flaw in me that I'm trying to work out. I know you're probably sitting there like, I have a million things to do, i'm not gonna remember to pray for a girl I've never even met. But I'd not only appreciate prayer, but I need it.

Could you pray for specifically four things?

Wisdom, to be able to find my way back.

Discernment, to be able to know what is wrong and what is right.

Strength, to be able to say no when I know something's wrong.

And humility, to be able to accept my flaws and want to change them.

I can't believe I'm quoting hannah montana, but:

"you can change your hair and you can change your clothes; you can change your mind, that's just the way it goes. You can say goodbye and you can say hello; but you'll always find your way back home."

That's all for now. Thanks for reading.

-Bekah