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Monday, March 12, 2012

things change

It's so funny how things change. People change. Friendships change. And we can't do anything about it. We can try so hard, we can say all the right things, we can say so many words, but change is irreversible. Maturation can't be halted. Time can't be convinced to stand still. Every second that passes, we're changing. Growing. Maturing. We can't possibly be like "hey stop that, let's just stay exactly the same as we are now."

And as people change, friendships change too. We have to adjust our friendships to fit these strange new people that are within them. And sometimes we make mistakes; once we grow so close to each other that we feel comfortable saying anything, some hurtful things can be sad, some hurtful things done. And then even though this friendship has been around all my life, its always been something I can count on, it's fragile and these careless words can break them. Did break them. And suddenly, I don't even know her anymore, she doesn't know me. Who cares that we've been best friends for years? Suddenly we're strangers.

And I could have sworn just six months ago that this girl would be my best friend forever. That we would live next to each other, go to the same college, have kids at the same time so they could be best friends, visit each other every day, have our husbands be best friends. And all of sudden, she's gone from my life, just like that. Doesn't all this history have something to say, some pull to bring in reviving this friendship? It feels like it's dead, and no matter how vivid it was when it was alive, it can't be woken. 

Life's a strange thing. And since she's probably reading this anyway, I'm going to share some pictures of my best friend. I don't care if we aren't talking anymore, or if we are ever going to talk again, but she was the best friend I've ever had and probably ever will have. She knew me better than I knew myself. That might be a cliche saying, but it was 100% true for me and her. My family was her family, her family was my family. I'd walk into her house, say hey to her mom, and open the fridge. And I miss that.










10 replies:

the girl named Bleah said...

Stuff like this is ridiculously hard... but just lean on God, love. :) Everything will turn out the best that it possibly can. Trust me. <3

Siriana said...

I know how that is Bekah, and I'm sorry the world is the way it is. I just went through that this last August...and I still barely talk to them.
Praying for you girl :)

[Lauren] said...

I know what you're going through. Both of my best friends left me this year, one of them just yesterday. I had a huge crush on him last May, and when he just decided he was done with me yesterday, I was crushed. I'm praying for you!

Stephanie said...

This just happened to me too, actually. It's incredibly hard. I have other good friends, but she's the one who knows EVERYTHING. She was with me when I started middle school, when I started writing my story, when I fell in love. She was the one who could talk me out of bad things and into good things. She kept me sane and helped me have fun.

And then all the sudden, something happened and suddenly she was too busy for me. We didn't really talk or see each other for about six months.

I went through a lot of hard things in those six months, but she didn't care. I needed her advice so many times. I couldn't sort things out on my own. But she was too busy.

Then just yesterday, she called me and gave me the biggest apology I've ever heard in my entire life. She realized what she'd done to me and she said she wanted to fix our relationship.

I expected to be over-the-moon happy, but instead, I just accepted her apology and calmly filled her in on my life. I didn't feel much of anything actually.

All these months, I'd been falling apart on the inside, needing her. Then when she finally came back, I realized something too:

I don't need her anymore.

I love her and I'll continue to be there for her, but now I can handle my own problems. I can think things through and make new friends. I don't need her. And it's okay. One might even go so far as to say it's a good thing.

Yeah, we had/have a lot of history that I'll never have with anyone else, but...I don't know. Sometimes you just know that it's time to move on. I'll still be there for her, and if I ever need her too, hopefully she'll be there for me. But she's no longer my other half. I discovered how to be whole in myself.

I'm sorry this was so long! It's just that I so know how you feel. I wanted to say hang in there, Bekah. She might come around. I really didn't think my best friend would, and yet she did. Yours might come back too, but in the meantime, do some soul-searching, some God-searching, and use this time to grow personally.

Who knows, you might discover that you're okay without her too.

~Stephanie

Bekah said...

Thanks Stephanie :) that means a lot to me !!

Anna Gray said...

Oh my -- I almost cried reading this. Maybe it was because I remember when you used to talk about your best friend Jenna and that was back when you two were best friends. Or maybe it was because the exact same thing happened to me. Or maybe both.

Bekah, the exact same thing happened to me.

When I was nine years old, a girl my age and her family moved next door to us. Before them, all of our neighbors had been rather...er...wacky and I had never grown personally to any of them. And then came along Hayley and her family. We laughed together, cried together, expressed anger and happiness together, were there for each other during the good times and the bad times.

She was my soul sister.

We would play in the rain, play Barbie dolls for hours on end, sell miscellaneous objects in our houses, spend whole afternoons making jewelry, ride bikes, jump on the trampoline, go to dance together -- when I say we did everything together...I mean EVERYTHING.

We told each other so many times that we would not quit being best friends. Ever.

And then one day, two years later, Hayley came to me, with tears in her eyes. She broke the news to me -- they were moving. We cried and cried but we were still determined to remain best friends. And we knew we would be. No one could replace our friendship.

And then they moved. True, they were only about fifteen minutes away -- but that was so much different than them being next door to where we could simply run over to each other's houses, ring the door bell, and hang out. After they moved we called each other 24/7 and saw each other a few times. A few months later though...

Our friendship began to crumble. Then days, weeks, months and then -- years passed, and we were no longer friends. I was crushed because I remembered so vividly us saying we would NEVER quit being friends.

But you see, through Hayley fading from my life -- someone else came along. It stings a little to say this, but...someone better. Someone who I could relate even more to. Someone who I could share everything with. Her name was Kiley. We met at dance when we were ten years old -- and we are still best friends today. I would not trade being friends with her for anybody.

Bekah, pray. I know what you are going through. It feels a bit like depression -- Unleash your feelings to Christ and see where He leads you.

Who knows, maybe He will get Jenna will come back or He will find somebody else even better to take her place. It all depends on what He has planned for you.

Pray. Pray hard. You will be okay, I promise you.

Anonymous said...

Heyy Bekah, This is an amazing post, this opened up my eyes, and brought my old life to a halt, and my new life to begin.
sincerely Josh sipma

Anonymous said...

Josh, this is Landen and Alex, we be in BIOLOGY,
DUUUUUUUDDDEEE YOLO!
Good luck
Your car is trash

Sincerely,
Landen and Alex

A Defined Life said...

I don't know if you will even get this comment since you haven't posted in awhile, but I'm leaving it anyway. This may sound strange, but you've come to my mind several times lately. I know I don't even know you, but I remember the first time I read your blog many, many, many, months ago. I was so touched by your writing and the stories of a young girl struggling to find her place in this world and with her God. I was sad after reading this post. I hope that things have worked out. It does seem tragic to lose a best friend. I suppose the Lord has put you on my mind for reasons unknown to me, but since he has I want you to know I'm praying for you and all that concerns you. Whatever is going on in your life right now, he wants to walk through it with you, the joys and the sorrows. I pray God will bless you, and you will find a way to use your many talents for his glory. Blessings to you Bekah . . .

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