my life be like, ooh ahh.

To give you a break from all those morose posts I've been writing lately, I'm writing a post when I'm happy. So, enjoy, because the mood's not gonna last long. :)

I love school.

Before you start clapping with joy, let me explain. I love school, as in honors chemistry, AP english, AP geography. I love school, as in the subjects, as in learning.

I already have my whole life mapped out. Of course, I went those stages in my life where I was thoroughly convinced that I was gonna be a famous actress, then a singer, then a painter, then a photographer...you know all those dreams that we become rapidly fixated on and then discard just as quickly. But underneath these passing fads, I've always clung to Teacher as an occupation, and its becoming clearer and clearer that this is what I want to do.

If I do PSEO after sophomore year (which I am going to do), which would be when I was freshman age (15), then I would graduate college at 19, get my Masters in English at 21, and then phD at 23 or 24 and then I could start teaching college immediately. When I think of this, I know this is what God wants me to do. Sure, I'd be teaching kids just a year or so younger than me...but when have I let age hinder me from anything I want to do? My friends have always been older than me. I honestly don't have a good friend who is younger or even the same age as me. And now I'm in classes with sixteen to eighteen year olds. Who cares? Age doesn't matter to me anymore.

I love learning more than anything...I know that sounds incredibly nerdy, but its true. I read Biochemistry textbooks in my spare time. And now I'm beginning to love public school as well. Like sincerely. Yeah, obviously there's stuff that's hard for me. Like waking up at 5:00 AM every morning. Like leaving my house every day at 6:30, and seeing my little siblings growing up and not being there at home to experience it. But that just makes me want to spend every spare second I have with them, and I never felt that way before. My family was always a nuisiance to me, or at least something I took for granted...and now all I want to do when I get home is spend time with them. That is a gift straight from God and it's healing relationships faster than I ever thought possible.

I know this has nothing to do with anything, but I think it fits into the whole theme of happiness. I lost 10 pounds in the last month! I've always been insecure about my weight, always wishing I was skinnier. Then about a month ago, I went to the blood doctor for some tests, and they weighed me on their big official scale. 133 pounds. When I'm only 5'6". I freaked...133 lbs to me is overweight, or at least chubby. (I'm definitely not saying that if you weigh 133 that you are overweight.) So I got down to work. I cut about half of my daily intake of calories, and I started exercising obsessively. Sometimes I would only eat three eggs, carrots, and salad all day. For lunch, instead of bringing a whole bagel peanut butter sandwhich, energy bar, granola bar, apples, fruit snacks and raisans, I brought two hard boiled eggs and carrot. My friends tease me about those eggs, but I eat two every day for lunch, and thats it. I'm very proud of myself, I've kept up that diet almost all this month. For breakfast, I have some form of egg, usually a fried one with a little bit of salt. For dinner, I like salad, sometimes a soup or a small serving of pasta. I usually eat some sort of green with dinner, like broccoli. I am down to 123 pounds...and still dropping! I've started speed and strength with my friends after school and I'm starting track soon. I feel incredible. (:

Sorry this was a short post. Hopefully I'll get back into the swing of posting regularly. Not promising anything, but I'll try. I'm off to running. (:

Until later,

Bekah

PS. Got asked to the winter formal! (:

The Waterbottle Revenge Team

Life. It's an odd thing, isn't it? You can feel happy and sad at the same time - loved and lonely, blissful and melancholy. You can love someone, but be angry at them at the same time. You can get so caught up in your emotions it feels like life is a fickle thing, full of ups and downs, good days and bad days. And if you think so, you're right, because life is like that. You can have a great day Monday, and a terrible day Tuesday. Or a beautiful day on Friday and then wake up Saturday feeling like screaming.

It gets so tiring to try and make sense of life, because it's a nonsensical thing. There are good things in it and there are bad things in it, and sometimes you get hit over the head with both at the same time. And it's exhausting to try and figure out which emotion you should listen to, which feeling you should act upon. I never knew my heart was so complicated. I never knew I could make life this complex this easily.

This morning, I relaxed. I took a break from all the complications of life and breathed in the fresh summer air, felt the sun beat down on my face...and smiled. My cousins are over, David and Matthew, and we played soccer in the backyard. Me, Ab, and David against Josh, Mat and Pete. I had this waterbottle that I had filled up because it was so dang hot, and everyone else was trying to steal drinks from it. So David, me and Ab entitled our soccer team the Watterbottle Revenge Team. We needed to whoop the Boogers (yeah...that's what they named their team. Seriously.) because they stole from my waterbottle.

Aaaand we lost miserably. But it was so much fun to laugh, to run, to sweat, and to have fun with each other. Because it was a blast.

The Waterbottle Revenge Team dominates.

And life is a blast. True, it's complicated, and complex, and sometimes I don't know what to feel like. But if I take a deep breath and look around, and appreciate everything that God has given me...what can I feel like but happy?

Blissful - for now.

Ever have those moments when you feel so happy you don't know what you're going to do with yourself? Those little breaths of happiness don't come too often, you know. Especially for me, especially now.

The weather is beautiful outside - sunny, warm, but not too hot. There's a nice breeze, too. It's hard to feel happy when it's pouring rain, which it has been this last week.

Yesterday, I got to see a movie (a rare occurence at our house) and played nine holes of golf in the sunny gorgeous weather. This morning, I saw caught up on life with all my beautiful besties at church.

(just saying now: I have the best friends in the world.)

I also got to tan for an hour and a half, then went and hit golf balls with daddy.

I've got so many thoughts swirling around in my head, I've got to write them down - but now I'm just going to be happy. For however long it lasts.

I don't want this feeling to go away.
-Jack Johnson