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Wednesday, September 22, 2010

a silent scream

Its funny how one place can feel like a second home, and another place not so different from the first place can feel so foreign.

Its funny how easily people judge other people not so different from themselves.

Its funny how someone's day can be going great and then a single comment can completely ruin it.

Its funny how thoughtless people can be.

Its funny how fast words can pour out of a persons mouth when they're not thinking about what they're saying.

Its funny how condescending people can act towards someone just a few years younger than them.

Its funny how words - mere verbal syllables - can wound someone so acutely, how sounds can cut deeper than a knife.

Its funny how someone can be so repulsed by someone else's behavior, but act that way themselves.

Its funny how everyone tries so hard to be like everyone else.

Its funny how cruel people can be to other people different from them.

Its funny how a person can be so incredibly nice but has no friends because people judge him because of his weight.

Its funny how I can write that sentence but still feel almost ashamed walking with him through the hallways.

Its funny how people talk to someone, laugh with her, maybe even flirt with her - but completely back off when they find out she's two years younger than them.

But its funny how some people couldnt care less if that someone was thirteen or fifteen.

Its funny how vital appearence is

Its funny how someone can live in a world and not understand any of it.

Its funny how someone is forced to go from extreme shelterdness to extreme exposure and is expected to thrive.

Its funny how someone can go their whole life without hearing a swear word and then grow accostomed to hearing curses as a casual part of conversation.

Its funny how empty someone can feel.

I dont understand. I go to school and I sit in classes and walk through hallways and get taught things by teachers, and I notice things. I write them down. I study them like I study chemistry. And after two and a half weeks I have more questions than I have had my whole life.

This has nothing of substance in relation to this post. But sometimes people write things out of pure emotion even if it doesnt make sense, and thats what I'm about to do right now. I apologize.

I've mentioned before how much I hate chemistry. Not the subject. The class.

Well today a boy walked up to me and looked at my worksheet and saw my name printed on the top.

Rebekah Shaffer.

He said to the girl beside him, "what if you changed the 'a' to an 'i'? Rebekah Sh*tter." The people around him cracked up.

And I turned around and I'm like, "It's Rebekah Shaffer." He and his friends are almost in tears because they were laughing so hard.

And he goes, "Aren't those ts?"

And I say, "Fs." And he goes, "Oh well they look like t's. Cya, Rebekah Sh*tter." And they all laugh again and walk back to their seats.

That hurt. It hurt that they called me that, but it hurt more that they were laughing so hard at me. I have a lot of pride. I felt so angry. Yes, call me sensitive. but I get bothered by this stuff. That experience put a pain in my chest that hasnt gone away yet.

And the little things people say hurt too. When someone calls you a b*tch cuz you accidently bump into them, that hurts. When people refer to you as as "you" because nobody knows who you are, that bothers me too.

You know what I cannot stand?

People treating me like I'm a child.

Yes, I may be three years younger than you, but you do NOT have to treat me like I go to elementary school and sharpen crayons all day.

And you know what, jerk? I may be three or four or maybe even five years younger than you. But YOU'RE the one who got a C- on the chemistry test. And you know what I got? An A.

I'm NOT stupid.

I dont understand. Any of this crap.

Help?

16 replies:

Elizabeth Rose said...

I'm so, so sorry, Bekah. I am praying for you. You know those people are wrong--VERY wrong--and I do too. You are not alone.

Love you, girl!

Elizabeth Rose

lauren anne said...

Oh, Bekah. I don't even know what to say. I agree, people are so mean, and thoughtless.

I would not call how you feel sensitive. You definitly deserve to feel that way.

i probably would have cried. but you are stronger than i am.

i'll be praying.

lauren anne

Amanda said...

I am definitely praying for you! In a way, I understand exactly how you feel.. I've never been to school, but I go to an online school that's not Christian. The things people say there, through computer screens, are awful. But keep praying - it does wonders for that deep-down hurt. Absorb yourself in music, it's something to take your mind off of them.
Remember, people can be horrible, and they will be. Just show them that you're not going to cringe in a corner, and try and reflect The Light, even though it's hard...

I could probably write an entire book on this subject, but it wouldn't make your hurt go away. If you want to talk, email me - I'd love to try and help...
amanda@farmgirlwrites.com

Anna Gray said...

Dear Bekah,
The public school system has so many kids that come from so many different life styles and families. There are those that are completely sweet and you adore, those who are wicked acting and you hate. Don't let anything that anyone says to you bother you. I know you hear this alllll the time, but be yourself. Words can be hurtful. I have been called many names before (yes, the "b" word being one of them. I used to go to public school), been treated horribly, and even have had hatred emails sent before. Perhaps some of the people at your school are jealous because you ARE 13 and a Freshman and probably smarter than some of those people. A lot of them may feel almost inferior, although they are older. You are such an amazing person and I know that you will be a great witness in this school. Remember, God called you for a purpose to go to public school and though it may seem so incredibly touch now, I'm sure somehow or another you will see why He called you. I am praying for you, friend and will continue to.

Autumn said...

I'll be praying for you during this difficult time. as

Anna Gray siad "God called you for a purpose to go to public school and though it may seem so incredibly touch now, I'm sure somehow or another you will see why He called you." I totally agree with every word she said.
Blessings
Autumn

Izori said...

That is SO mean! You have really good self control, Bekah. If I were you, I would have totally slugged him. (I've done it before).

I'll be praying for you. Just remember to respond in love and heap burning coals on his head. Not literally, of course, although you might feel like it. =)

I hope our comments are helping you through this!

Jenna said...

Hey Girl (:
They all just need to grow up. You dont deserve having them treat you that way. You are the one who is smart enough To be in 9th grade when you are supposed to be in8th!
You just show them your amazing personality .shine like the star you aree (:
I love youu
xoxo<3 Jenna

Joy said...

aw, Bekah, they're all acting like **place swear word here** themselves. All this drama is a part of high school, and you'll push through it! you go girl! you got this! =)

prayin for ya,

~ Joy

Shelley said...

I feel for you Bekah. Stay strong. Things will get better. Hang in there. Some people are so mean, so cruel, and they don't even care. I will pray for you! :)

Caroline said...

"but I get bothered by this stuff." Bekah, you SHOULD be bothered! It's no secret that those people are acting wrongly and like jerks. It's like when someone takes God's name in vain--it should repulse us. So it's right to bother you. Because God hates it, and so should you. (not hate your classmates themselves, but what they say and do.) I'll be praying for you, Bekah. Like Jenna said--You're the one in 9th grade when you are supposed to be in8th!

Izori said...

By the way, Bekah, your initials can also stand for 'Really Super' and 'Really Special'. You have a lovely name, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

Emily said...

Bekah, I'm praying for you! I cannot imagine going through what you're going through. Just remember that God can do anything. In James chapter one, it says that the trying of our faith makes patience. God is making you stronger. You're in my prayers!

Selena Gomez said...

Yeah, before I got into middle school, I hadn't heard a swear word. A few days after I started, the words just seemed to float around me, and I barely noticed them anymore. Its so mean that they would do that to your name! Eventually they'll stop bugging you, and get bored of teasing you. But stand strong, and don't let their words harm you. They can hurt, but don't let them affect your life. I hope it gets better.

~Sofie

Maddie said...

Just keep pushing forward. I think God has put you there for a purpose so keep smiling and shine Christ's light for those kids. You never know what those kids are going through and sometimes you don't know why they act the way they do, but maybe, somehow someway, you can show them Christ's love by being forgiving and loving.

I think your amazing for doing this! Everytime I read one of your posts, I marvel that you are only 13 years old! (I'm sure your sick of hearing that!) But one more thing to consider: be understanding to the kids who are jealous of how smart you are. I'm 16 and a sophomore again and it makes me feel kinda stupid when I hear of kids who are younger than me doing the same school subjects I'm doing! But obviously they don't have the maturity to shake it off and be happy with who they are. So if you understand they're point of view, maybe that will help you handle it better.

Anyway, I'll pray for you. Keep doing what your doing and keep Christ at the center of your focus during this difficult experience. <3
-Maddie

Bethany said...

...Pray for those who persecute you...

Even though they were completely nasty and all, try to be gracious. I know it's hard. They're ignorant. You've been placed in a enviroment where God is not accepted.

I'd say lots of prayer is needed. God always answers prayer - just not always in the way we expect it.

*hugs* I'll be praying - and don't let them get to you. Keep shining a light in a dark world.

~Bethany

Christina said...

My mom said, when I started taking college classes two years early, that I can't go in expecting to make friends for life. People are going to judge me for being younger than them and probably dislike me for setting the curve in class because I'm smart.

And it's been hard in some ways. I guess I go to learn rather than to make friends-- but it's really hard, cause it doesn't matter who someone is: what they say hurts.

Here's what I know about you: You're beautiful, you're smart, and you totally have great thoughts that I love to read. Even if you don't understand why people can be flat out cruel and laugh at you in such a mean way.

Sometimes you've just got to scream and ask God why. Not doubt him, I guess. Ask why. I was doing a lot of it, and I still do.

I'm praying for you!

-Tina

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