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Sunday, May 30, 2010

On and On and On

I always fall short. Always. I'm not skinny enough. I'm not pretty enough. My hair isn't blonde enough. My skin isn't tan enough. No matter how much I exercise, and how carefully I watch what I eat, I'm still not as skinny as so-and-so. No matter how much time I spend over my hair/makeup, I still look terrible next to this person. Even though I try to smile and laugh, I still won't appear as secure as this friend does. Regardless of how hard I try, I still won't come up on top. So-and-so will still be able to condescend to me.

On and on and on the cycle goes. Never ending. And I hate this. I tell myself that I need to be confident in who I am - and then five minutes later, I'm feeling that oh-so-familiar despair that I'll never measure up.

Before I knew what was happening, I began to let my Bible time in the morning slip. Instead, I spent that time straightening my hair, or sitting in the sun. I pushed away the urge to pray before I fell asleep each night, saying, "Later, I will. Right now I'm too tired." And yet I spent endless masses of time in angry comparison and discontent. I'm crabby and irritable: wasting so much time figuring out ways to appear perfect is tiring.

In spending so much time worrying over my outward appearence, I have allowed my inner being - the part that really matters - to deteriorate. And that cannot happen.

Take a building for example. Without strong inner structure, this building will not withstand anything. No matter how beautiful you make it look on the outside - even if you paint it white and give it beautiful windows and glorious landscaping - it is doomed. It will never be a safe building. And with people, that much more so. Without our inner structure, without strong faith, we also will crumble.

Today I will remember to thank God for the many blessings He has given me. Tomorrow, I will read my Bible and I will be overwhelmed by His goodness.

I will still find myself comparing myself to others once in a while. That's inevitable in this culture. But God made me unique, and in wishing I am different, I am degrading His creation. I may not be perfect, but God did not make any mistake when he knitted me together in my mother's womb.

Who I am is who I am...why try to change that?

18 replies:

Lizzy Bennet said...

Bekah, I have to ask this question:

Who is "so-and-so" and why do you think they are better than you or skinnier or prettier? Because that's not true. It really isn't. Of course, you aren't perfect, but from what we (I'm speaking about all of your followers here) know of you, you ARE pretty awesome. So how could you worry about such trivial things?

Okay, okay, the *above* is true, but it's not the main point of my comment. I loved the message that you conveyed - it's so very true. Through loving and trusting God, you will become the young lady HE wants you to be... and why would you want to be any different?

Your blog is always such an encouragement, Bekah. Thanks for taking the time to post!

Love in Christ,
Lizzy

Anna Gray said...

I neeeeeeeded this post! I've been thinking the same thing about my own self too.

Great post, Bekah. You are always my encouragment!

Näna said...

For some reason I think this is something all teen girls go through. Thanks for sharing and encouraging!

Love,
Brianna

p.s. I agree with Lizzy. You ARE pretty awesome:)

Guinevere said...

Wow, I really needed this post. That is SO true that God did not make a mistake, yet I never thought of it like that before. Thanks for the inspiration!

Caroline said...

Beautiful post. We are each God's creation and I think He knew what he was doing when He created us! And you are very pretty, Bekah:).

On my blog, I'm having a miniature kind of NanoWrimo, called 30,000 Words in 30 days. Here's my blog link: caroline-awriterslifeforme.blogspot.com. It's the second post down.xD

Au revoir!
Caroline

Jessica said...

Beautiful post. I was thinking about this today, and struggling with trying to be content and not comparing myself to others lately.
Thank you for writing this.

In Christ,
Jessica=)

Jacqueline said...

Your post really spoke to me, thanks for sharing!!! (:

Kristin said...

You are beautiful Bekah, inside and out! I remember those same feelings when I was your age. I am 33 now and I can honestly say that I look back at my pictures and my life/friends/accomplishments and I have NO idea why I ever thought those things before! It is true that God does not make mistakes and He made you exactly as you are so that you can fulfill the exact purpose that He placed you in this time and place to fulfill. Those thoughts that we have about ourselves.....they are lies from the enemy to keep us from fulfilling our God-given destiny and we have to recognize them as lies and move forward in the plans that God has for us!!

Milli said...

It's something, I think, that all people go through. Thanks for that beautiful post. And I think you're beautiful...inside and out.

Memzie said...

Lovely post. I think every girl goes through image issues especially in America where image is everything.

One thing I tell myself is I am my own kind as a human. There is not another kind of species like me in the whole universe. It usually makes me smile and brightens my world.

Jenna said...

I agree with Lizzy. You are beautiful and skinny hon. This was a super awsome post(: Love you
Jen

Lindsay said...

Great post, Bekah! I love what you said at the end. None of us are mistakes. God made us the way we are for a reason... we shouldn't try to change ourselves into somebody we're not. And you are beautiful... you are YOU! :-)

~ Love,
Lindsay

Autumn said...

Bekah,
everyone goes through this stage wher they fell all that you have said in your post.
The important thing is to remember what Jesus said " I am with you always even to the end of the world."
Remember Jesus loves you loves YOU for who YOU are . Everyone is different and God has called us all to be and do different things in life. Remember Jesus loves ,is always with you and will never leave you.
Blessings
Autumn.

Marissa said...

Girl you are SO inspiring. This post is SO amazing! It has taken me so long to realize this every thing you are talking about. That I am me and I shouldn't try to be like some one else. For being your age and your already grasping this concept is awesome. :D I wish I had at a younger age (because I'm so old now you know. lol)

Love ya!
--Marissa

Barbie said...

God only created one YOU and you are unique. Your blog always calls me to stop and ponder. You are very mature and inspiring in your writing. You are His beloved and you are beautiful!

Maggie said...

This post was amazing! I loved reading and it really spoke to me! This inspired me to do something like this for my post tomarrow on my blog.

Thanks again for this amazing post!

Blessings,
Maggie
www.foreverfindingmybliss.blogspot.com

kittikat said...

Dear Bekah,

Your post is very true...sometimes we are not satisfied with what God has for us...not only is this discontent, it's downright ungrateful! But I understand, I went through it too! However, God obviously thought you pretty special- enough to send His only begotten to die for you!

Remember...you said you were going to read your Bible and pray...we all heard you. As your Christian friends, we will hold you to it!!

Thanks for being an inspiration to us all, Bekah!
Love,
KK

Emily said...

I was going through the same thing. I guess I still am, to some extent. I really needed this post. Thanks!
By the way, your blog is awesome! I'm going to start following!

-Emily

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