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Friday, May 6, 2011

let it go

I am a perfectionist. If you know me at all, than you know that much. I berate myself constantly if I fall short of any goal that I set for myself, whether it be in school, sports, or music. Everything gets me down, I just got back from a track meet. I am extremely unhappy with my time.

See, I have this best friend named Hannah. We're in track together (she's the girl in the picture from the previous post). It was both of our first year in track. We're both decent, she's just very much better than me. Today her time was a good 20 seconds faster than mine. Her time was spectacular (beat the lettering time by 2 full seconds) and mine just wasn't.

I could be jealous of her for so many reasons. She was snow queen for our grade, everyone who knows her adores her, she's hilarious, she's so easygoing and friends with literally everyone, and a better runner than me. I'm struggling now with it, but I just gotta let it go.

There's always gonna be someone better than us, at everything we do. It is sorta depressing to think about, but no matter what we do or where we go, there will ALWAYS be someone that can do whatever you can do better. Doesn't that bother you? Doesn't matter if I run a 6 minute mile. There's always someone who can run fastaer. Doesn't matter if I graduate college at 19. There's always someone who's graduated earlier. Doesn't matter if I can play Vivaldi's Concerto number something-or-other. There's always someone who can play better than me. Doesn't matter if I get so many commments on my default. There's always someone who's prettier than me. Doesn't matter if I work so hard on my faith. There's always someone who is a better Christian than me. 

You get what I'm saying? Gah it just goes on and on. I have to break that cycle. I have to accept me for who I am. I HAVE to.

I do feel better now that I wrote that out. Sorry that my post didn't move you to tears....I know there's so many better blogs out there. But thanks for reading helps to get my thoughts down.  

5 replies:

Megan said...

Your post was beautiful Bekah! Just remember that God loves everyone the same. No one is better, no one is prettier, no one person is the best in his eyes. Everyone is equal. What counts is what you do with what you have. What counts is what you do for him.

SavedthruLove said...

Your so precious. But thankfully GOD is the one who changes us and we just have to keep seeking HIM and putting HIM first and asking HIM to move us through His holy spirit. Don't be so hard on yourself girly. ALL FALL SHORT! Once we accept that it doesn't matter how far we fall as long as we give God all we have we can never disappoint Him.


seek to please God and not yourself. Your never going to have the grace and mercy for yourself that our savior does :)

Autumn said...

Go loves you for YOU and me for ME.
We all sorta think we can be the same kinda person: Perfectly the same.
We can't be happy to be you. I struggle with the same things you metion in your post. We all do.
Love who you are now, not who you will become.
Thats the person God loves.
Just remember be yourself and enjoy being you.

Anna Gray said...

Bekah, I know EXACTLY how you feel. The one thing I struggle with is acting. I feel like every time I audition/am in productions/see productions that I am nothing compared to the people that get the lead parts.

The absolute worst thing you can do is put yourself down for things. Tell yourself that you're good at what you do, know in your heart that you really ARE as good as those people.

The key is practice. Practice, practice, practice. Don't critizise yourself. Keep your head held high and keep going.

God will lead you to where he wants you to be. :)

Emily said...

I know how you feel, Bekah. I have a beautiful friend who absolutely everyone seems to love. She's got great people skills, she's pretty, funny...and sometimes I wish I was like her.

But I know that I am who God wants me to be, and I'm happy with that. I'm a perfectionist, too :)

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