Follow Me!

Sunday, January 2, 2011

You Can't Define My Worth

I'm not the shoes I wear, I'm not the clothes I buy
I'm not the house I live in, I'm not the car I drive
I'm not the job I work, You can't define my worth
By nothing on God's green earth, my identity is found in Christ.
Everything in this world is upside down. The things that should not matter, suddenly occupy my every moment. And the things that do matter, are cast aside, are left behind, are subconsciously shoved into a dark corner of my mind and forgotten. It's a new year, but nothing seems to have changed. Nothing is different, but everything is different. I changed...and I've been entombed in this new Bekah for so long that I can't go back to the old Bekah. Nothing has changed, but everything has changed. Nothing is different, but everything is different.
Identity is found in the God we trust
Any other identity will self destruct.
Writing used to be, quite literally, my life...I would live in the worlds I created, I would breathe the air that I produced, I would act the characters that flowed from my fingertips. How can something that used to be everything to you suddenly mean nothing to you? I try to write, but I've lost it. I've lost the way with words that I used to have. I wrote two pages yesterday, forced myself to write them, forced myself to pretend the way things used to be.
They wont like me if I ain't in them J's or them brand new Nikes,
Lets dig deeper inside my pysche
When it's all said and done even I don't like me
When things are going my way, I'm happy. When I go shopping, when I have a good day at school, when I'm hanging out with a friend, I am happy. But my mood goes up and down, up and down, constantly in flux, never steady. The little things matter the most to me. I get more upset over the fact that I didnt get to see a friend than the fact that day by day I am spending less and less time with my siblings....Everything is backwards, upside down. I'm lost, I've fallen down the rabbit hole and am in a strange world in which I know nothing about. Without my Jesus, nothing makes sense, nothing gives me joy, I am constantly preoccupied with chasing dust bunnies while my soul is crying out for something more...something deeper. Some people might be content with following the wind, but I long for somewhere I can call home. Life seems so meaningless, I need Jesus, I need hope that this is not all there is.
Got her hair done, toes and nails
Is that Her? well it's hard to tell
Cause she's so caked up in so much make up
It's like she's tryna make up for what she ain't.
Silver jeans, a Guess sweater, Ugg boots, Charlotte Russe earrings, all those things are nice, but they cannot be my identity. I AM NOT THE CLOTHES I BUY. These things are so trivial, so unimportant! So why are they my life?? Why do I spend so much money and energy and thought on clothes, on appearence, on my hair, on my friends?
How do I gauge success, why do I say I'm blessed?
Is it the car that I drive or the place that I rest or the way that I dress?
Dear Lord, forgive me. Forgive me for how childish I have been. Forgive me for how much time I have wasted, forgive me for how I have ignored you. Worshiping you is the only reason I am on this earth, and yet I have let everything distract me, pull me away from the purpose of life. I want to be a part of your kingdom, I want to be yours...FOREVER.
To live is Christ yeah that's Paul I recall
To die is gain so for Christ we give it all
He's the treasure you'll never find in the mall
Your money your singleness marriage talent and time
They were loaned to you to show the world that Christ is Divine
That's why it's Christ in my rhymes
That's why it's Christ all the time
My whole world is built around him He's the life in my lines,
I refuse to waste my life
He's too true ta chase that ice.
all quotes by lecrae, "identity" and "dont waste your life"
I don't want to be a part of something I don't believe in. I don't want to do the same old every day...I want to be real, deep, new. God, I'm so sorry for taking this long to realize that.

15 replies:

anna :) said...

wow, bekah. i really needed this. it's like God had you write this post for me. so thanks.

i love those songs by the way. everyone's like - "woah, wait. anna likes rap?" and yes, yes i do. lecrae = awesome :)

♥Bleah♥Briann♥ said...

What a beautiful post! :) I really love this.

xx,
Bleah

Kade said...

Yes! Great song!!

Anonymous said...

That's like exactly what I needed to hear. That's how I feel but I just needed to read it to understand it, if that males sense to you at all

Ruthie said...

That's such an amazing post Bekah.

Bailey said...

Wow. Amazing post. I think God has you right where He wants you...open. Vulnerable. Crying out to Him.

It's an understatement to say you write beautifully. You write beauty. You haven't lost your touch with words.

Eldarwen said...

Oh Bekah, what a beautiful post. I agree with Anna, I needed that. Thanks. :)

xoxo,
Eldarwen

Elizabeth said...

I just found your blog and started reading it...wow, this post really sounds like the way I think a lot of the time! It was a good reminder to me that I need to change my focus from those trivial things.

Elizabeth

Christina said...

Makes sense to me. That song really fits.

Kinga said...

That is so true!

Also, could you tell me what font your sidebar and post titles are? Thanks :)

♥Bleah♥Briann♥ said...

Hey! That time you designed my blog... would you happen to have a copy of my header anywhere??? If you did and could e-mail it to me at 1haelb@scbglobal.net ASAP. That would be so awesome. :)

xx
Bleah

Anna Gray said...

Bekah, I reeeeally miss seeing you on blogger! =(

Paddy Freer said...

A great message on identity, and change. Its wonderful that Christ is so constant, or it seems we could lose track with everything else. I do think that it isn't just small things of the world that detract from that truth, but most things. We can worship and bring glory in so many ways, even the act of dressing well and even shopping can be very spiritual.
Thanks for pointing out that in a very real way we cannot add God to aspects of our lives, since he was there first, and added those aspects to the new creation he had begun in us.

Joy said...

I am soooooo glad to find other human beings that know and love Christian rap, ESPECIALLY Lecrae...that dude is boss. :)

cool post!

Teena in Toronto said...

Happy blogoversary :)

Related Posts with Thumbnails