On and On and On

I always fall short. Always. I'm not skinny enough. I'm not pretty enough. My hair isn't blonde enough. My skin isn't tan enough. No matter how much I exercise, and how carefully I watch what I eat, I'm still not as skinny as so-and-so. No matter how much time I spend over my hair/makeup, I still look terrible next to this person. Even though I try to smile and laugh, I still won't appear as secure as this friend does. Regardless of how hard I try, I still won't come up on top. So-and-so will still be able to condescend to me.

On and on and on the cycle goes. Never ending. And I hate this. I tell myself that I need to be confident in who I am - and then five minutes later, I'm feeling that oh-so-familiar despair that I'll never measure up.

Before I knew what was happening, I began to let my Bible time in the morning slip. Instead, I spent that time straightening my hair, or sitting in the sun. I pushed away the urge to pray before I fell asleep each night, saying, "Later, I will. Right now I'm too tired." And yet I spent endless masses of time in angry comparison and discontent. I'm crabby and irritable: wasting so much time figuring out ways to appear perfect is tiring.

In spending so much time worrying over my outward appearence, I have allowed my inner being - the part that really matters - to deteriorate. And that cannot happen.

Take a building for example. Without strong inner structure, this building will not withstand anything. No matter how beautiful you make it look on the outside - even if you paint it white and give it beautiful windows and glorious landscaping - it is doomed. It will never be a safe building. And with people, that much more so. Without our inner structure, without strong faith, we also will crumble.

Today I will remember to thank God for the many blessings He has given me. Tomorrow, I will read my Bible and I will be overwhelmed by His goodness.

I will still find myself comparing myself to others once in a while. That's inevitable in this culture. But God made me unique, and in wishing I am different, I am degrading His creation. I may not be perfect, but God did not make any mistake when he knitted me together in my mother's womb.

Who I am is who I am...why try to change that?

The Waterbottle Revenge Team

Life. It's an odd thing, isn't it? You can feel happy and sad at the same time - loved and lonely, blissful and melancholy. You can love someone, but be angry at them at the same time. You can get so caught up in your emotions it feels like life is a fickle thing, full of ups and downs, good days and bad days. And if you think so, you're right, because life is like that. You can have a great day Monday, and a terrible day Tuesday. Or a beautiful day on Friday and then wake up Saturday feeling like screaming.

It gets so tiring to try and make sense of life, because it's a nonsensical thing. There are good things in it and there are bad things in it, and sometimes you get hit over the head with both at the same time. And it's exhausting to try and figure out which emotion you should listen to, which feeling you should act upon. I never knew my heart was so complicated. I never knew I could make life this complex this easily.

This morning, I relaxed. I took a break from all the complications of life and breathed in the fresh summer air, felt the sun beat down on my face...and smiled. My cousins are over, David and Matthew, and we played soccer in the backyard. Me, Ab, and David against Josh, Mat and Pete. I had this waterbottle that I had filled up because it was so dang hot, and everyone else was trying to steal drinks from it. So David, me and Ab entitled our soccer team the Watterbottle Revenge Team. We needed to whoop the Boogers (yeah...that's what they named their team. Seriously.) because they stole from my waterbottle.

Aaaand we lost miserably. But it was so much fun to laugh, to run, to sweat, and to have fun with each other. Because it was a blast.

The Waterbottle Revenge Team dominates.

And life is a blast. True, it's complicated, and complex, and sometimes I don't know what to feel like. But if I take a deep breath and look around, and appreciate everything that God has given me...what can I feel like but happy?

The Country Girl in Me - Miscellany Monday! Link Up!

I can't believe I haven't linked up with this before! It's looked like so much fun...so HA! Of course I had to do it! It's hosted by the beautiful Carissa over at lowercase letters (such an awesome blog name!)

{1} I have lately become obsessed with Frank Peretti. I haven't had a book to read in ages (though I did just organize my book shelf! Honest!), and it felt heavenly to be able to be absorbed in a book again - I mean, seriously absorbed. I have read Hangman's Curse (usually, I hate mysteries, but this one was SO good! and very spooky. If you know me, I am a complete sucker for spooky books) and am half-way through House (a collaboration between Ted Dekker and Peretti). I just requested about five more of his books from the library...I love Frank Peretti. Period.

{2} My family had friends over Saturday night, while I was babysitting the kids next door. The daddys and boys were playing soccer while the girls and mommas were watching, so I herded my two "charges" (HA! Do I sound like Nanny McPhee? How do you even spell her name, anyway?) over to play soccer. I wanted to play too. Ha! Well, I shouldn't have. I have several bruises all over my legs. They hurt. I discovered I stink at being goalie. I get so paranoid when the ball comes my way, and I always let it in. Oh and a little tip. Don't play soccer in bare feet. It's painful.

{3} While writing this post, I was also requesting more books. I have eight books lined up, both Dekker and Peretti. Can you tell that I seriously love them?

{4} I've been training for my 5k that I'm running in a few weeks - and yesterday I ran the whole 3.10 miles straight on a treadmill. I feel so accomplished. (I'm also pretty sore...what with soccer, nine holes of golf and a 5k in the span of forty eight hours. Oh, not to mention all the leg-weights I lifted. I'm really trying to build my leg muscle up. I actually have some! :-)

{5} I was playing violin a few days ago, and my bow completely snapped in the middle of my song. The wood wasn't what snapped - it was the string. So odd. I'm have a lesson today - so I'm going to see if my teacher can fix it (little or no chance of that happening), and worst case scenario, I use my teacher's bow. I tried using my younger sister's bow for practice today...not working. Her bow is at the most, half the size of mine and my bowing was all screwed up because I wasn't used to working with such a short stroke.

My poor broken bow.

{6} I always roll up my shorts. I'm not sure why, I just always do. I love rolling up my jeans too - that's the country girl in me, I guess. And for the record, I cannot wear a cowboy hat. My head is the wrong shape for that.
 
{7} I've been entranced by Jason Myraz lately. He had such a good voice. I love Gavin Rossdale too - and Coldplay, Taylor Swift (hey, don't laugh. Be thankful I don't listen to Miley Cyrus!), Sanctus Real, Leona Lewis, Britt Nicole, Kelly Clarkson, Skillet and Switchfoot. I love them all. :-)
 
{8} I have been downloading pictures to CDs recently because I'm running out of GB space on my laptop. I have literally like thirty CDs - freed up quite a bit of space. All of my hard drive is used up with pictures - I have little or no large programs that I have on it. It's all pictures. It's insane. It broke my heart to download them onto CDs and then actually delete them...ahhh. That was tough. ^_^

Go link up! I promise that it'll be tons of fun!

You can't have a rainbow without a little rain

This is one of the first times I've had an assistant to help me write my posts...one of my very best friends, Jenna, is sitting next to me. Our sleepover is coming to a close - we went to bed at 10:30. We usually fall asleep at one o'clock at the earliest. (I have babysitting late tonight, otherwise we would have stayed awake all night.)

It was pouring rain this morning - Rain equals fun pictures. :-)



Jenna has a fondness for swords (I almost got my eye poked out).



Twirling. It's so much fun. Except for when you get dizzy and fall down. Jennaaaaa. ^_^

Apparently, she got a raindrop in her eye. HA!

In the time it took to write this post, the skies have cleared. We loved the rain while it lasted.

And look what came in the mail yesterday, sent to me by the lovely Melissa from NewFashionedWhispers!

It is so pretty. I have not taken it off since I received it in the mail. And she has great prices too - definitely my favorite Etsy shop out there. :-)

Have an awesome Saturday! We sure are. :-)

I love my camera's self-timer. After it took us eight hundred years to figure it out...^_^

Confessions - Striving for the REAL.

Confessions. Confessions of what? Of things that I have left unspoken of, that I have left lie in the fathoms of my mind. Of things that I am going through, of things that I ache to write of but know I shouldn't. Is there an image I am trying to create throughout the Blogger world?

I'm not such a bubbly person, you know. Even when I wrote that "happy" post a few days ago...I wasn't all that happy. I was just trying to be happy - because I was desperate for happiness. When I clicked "Publish", it all crashed on me. I realized all at once that my blog is not an honest place. It's not a place of real-ness, of day-to-day struggles. It was a place for me to have an image - an image that is very unlike my self.

If I can't be REAL, why click over? Why take the time to read fakeness? If I can't share my life - in a REAL way, what is the point? Do I grow by writing fakeness? No. Do you grow by reading fakeness? No.

Being real means being vulnerable. Sharing what is most painful can never be easy. So I will be vulnerable today - I will share even when it means hurting.

Okay...

Well, as you probably know, I have been homeschooled all my life. I've been sheltered from the world, you could say. Ironically, the only time I am exposed to swearing and worse is at church. I have a large group of friends there. I'm not selective when it comes to friends. You want to be my friend? Go ahead. My church is like that too. They accept everyone for who they are. Which is super nice, but I have some weird friends. Some friends I don't hardly even like. Nevertheless, it is very easy for you to become one of my best friends. It's also kind of annoying to have a group of people following you around, especially when you just want to talk with two of your very best friends alone.

I had a best friend a long time ago. We did everything together. We told each other everything. You would never see one without the other. I saw her almost every day. Then one day, she decided she wanted to be best friends with another girl. She told this girl all my "secrets" (like I had any real ones at age ten) and passed everything I said on to this other girl.

You would think I would learn from this, wouldn't you? You would think that I would walk away from this overdramatic backstabbing between a few ten year olds, and I would remember it. Well, I didn't. And it's happened several times over again these last few years. And each time, I've just let it happen...I cried, sure. But what I really tried to do was forget, thus I didn't learn from my mistakes. I didn't guard my heart, my trust, my affection, though I should have, as I learned from these experiences.

I've been told that I'm too nice. That I care too much about what other people think, meaning that I will always try to make the other person feel better, even if that means lying. That I don't stand up for myself. That I let other people push me around, trample over me. That I'm impulsive.

I've also been told that I'm the best listener. That I laugh easily. That I carry conversation as naturally as I breathe. That I'm the most amazing person in the world, which I know is obviously not true. That I am sympathetic and feel deeply.

I guess I'm just a mixed bag. But why does this all bother me? Perhaps I should be asking why would this not bother me?

This fall, I'm going to public highschool. I don't understand crude jokes, I don't even know many swear words and I have next to no knowledge of mainstream artists. I only listen to Air1. I had no inkling as to who Beyonce is until a few months ago. One of my friends was literally gaping at me when I asked her who Beyonce is. "You don't know who Beyonce is? Do you live in a hole in the ground or something?"

Daddy told me once that I had to be careful who I made friends with at school. There's gotta be some pretty nasty people out there. But there has to be incredible people there too, right?

Life is a mixed bag. There are good things and there are bad things. People are a mixed bag. There are good people and there are bad people. Sometimes you can't tell if a person is a good person or a bad person unless you get to know them. I can usually tell, but sometimes I'm way off. I judge someone, and it turns out they're an amazing person. I accept someone, and it turns out they're not so amazing.

You know the saying, "One bad apple can spoil the lot"? When someone says that, they're not talking about apples. They're talking about people. They're saying one bad person can twist a good person.

I don't think that's true.

Yes, we need to be careful of who we hang out with, for the Bible says, "Bad company corrupts good character." But it works the other way around too, just as easily.

I had a friend, a long-time friend. Since fifth grade, I've known her and loved her. She had some issues, with life, with boys, with family, with God. God used to be something that went in one ear and went out the other for her. She swore, I didn't. She dated, I didn't. We didn't like any of the same things. And were very unlike each other. But still we remained friends.

In the last few months, I've noticed a change in this friend. She's searched for God - and she found Him recently. She stopped swearing and dating. She stopped zoning out during school and actually started focusing and trying to do better. She's told me her grades have improved. And I'm so happy.

My other friends say this change is because of my influence in her life. Perhaps. But it wasn't me. God was the one who connected us early on, God was the one who strengthened our friendship into something more. And God was the one who finally found His way into her heart and transformed her.

I proudly call this girl one of my besties.

I'm rambling now. But this whole situation with school next year, and how I have some of those friends who aren't exactly on the right path...scratch that, I have quite a few friends like that. Frankly, I get discouraged when I think of them. Not so much discouraged perhaps...more like sad.

But God has a mysterious way of working through us as Christians - working through us and working in us. He stirred the previously calm waters of my life at the same time that he stirred that girl's. He brought us together through friend problems, life problems, school problems. And look what is the result of that. A friendship that will last forever. More importantly: A friendship based on Christ.

Being real is a day-to-day choice. It is so much more than merely being earnest and nodding your head. It is changing your previous way of life and molding it into a new pattern. It is deciding to stop agreeing with everything everyone says. It is acknowledging differences in people and learning to appreciate them. It is understanding who you yourself really are - and commiting to BEING that person, regardless of the company you're in. It is striving to rise above this world and grant your heart into His hands and allow Him to keep it.

This next year will be a journey. A journey to discover who I am - and to become REAL. I don't know where this decision will lead me, but I know that God wants me to go to school next year. I have been praying since square one with this whole thing - and God has given me, not a sense of dread, but a sense of hope. He gave me no red flags. He has given my parents no red flags. He has given those praying for me no red flags.

Will this whole school thing work out? Who knows? It might, it might not. But God is behind this decision. It is going to be a step of faith to walk into the school that first day - as a very young freshman, at least a year younger than even the youngest freshmen. Signing the school paper was a step of faith. Even consenting to think about this was a step of faith.

But I think my life has been continual steps of faith - every step I have taken, every time I have trusted in God, every time I have depended on Him to carry me through, every single time: I have grown. I have become a better person, step by step. Little hops of vulnerability, long leaps of trust without reserve - these things have shaped me. They have defined me.

I am in tears right now. This post has been healing for me to write. I don't feel empty now - I feel ready. Ready to begin the journey with an unknown ending. Ready to let go of the things that hold me down. Ready to sever those strings that pull me back from Jesus. Ready to become REAL.

Guess what I found in my backyard yesterday?

A toad. That's right. I almost stepped on found a toad.

So I was playing soccer with my family and neighbors. I was goalie for a brief time (was kicked out after letting in three goals within the span of five minutes) and my keen eyes (ha, I wish) spotted a toad. A small, beautiful toad. He became my toad prince. I lost him within ten minutes. I hope he didn't die.

__________________

It took exactly forty five minutes

to straighten my hair this morning. I woke up at six o'clock (actually, it was actually more like six thirty) A.M. to toil over my hair in front of the mirror.

__________________

I am already planning ahead

for my birthday. June 27th. If any of you want to send me a present in the mail, that would be fantastic. (I'm joking, obviously. But still...)

__________________

Lynnette Kraft
is having a fabulous giveaway over at her blog. You could win a personalized theme song for your blog. Worth $65. I'm super excited. Because I just got this feeling that I'm gonna win. (Just kidding. I'm very unlucky, even though my grandparents grow luck on their farm.)

 __________________

I should have been born
at 3:33 P.M. 3:33 P.M. is the very best part of the day. I love 3s.

__________________

Someone told me the other day
that I look like my name should be Margaret. Apparently, I look like a Margaret (actually several people have voiced this opinion).
__________________


I'm not exactly sure
what the point of this post was. But one last thing...

I'M BUYING A NEW VIOLIN!

Have a lovely day, my lovely chums.

Blissful - for now.

Ever have those moments when you feel so happy you don't know what you're going to do with yourself? Those little breaths of happiness don't come too often, you know. Especially for me, especially now.

The weather is beautiful outside - sunny, warm, but not too hot. There's a nice breeze, too. It's hard to feel happy when it's pouring rain, which it has been this last week.

Yesterday, I got to see a movie (a rare occurence at our house) and played nine holes of golf in the sunny gorgeous weather. This morning, I saw caught up on life with all my beautiful besties at church.

(just saying now: I have the best friends in the world.)

I also got to tan for an hour and a half, then went and hit golf balls with daddy.

I've got so many thoughts swirling around in my head, I've got to write them down - but now I'm just going to be happy. For however long it lasts.

I don't want this feeling to go away.
-Jack Johnson

Alright, alright. The REAL winner.

Well, well. Excited to see who won?

By the way, my awards ceremony was pretty sweet. I didn't trip over any cords or anything. I got my hand shaken, a medal put around my neck, and my picture taken with this important guy. So it was good. ^_^ (plus the chance to wear a skirt and ballet flats is always nice. I like dressing up. :-)

The winner of the $50 dollar basket from NewFashionedWhispers is...

Sarah from Victoriously Free!

Congratulations, Sarah. I'm seriously so jealous of you - I love NewFashionedWhispers. I am adding her to my birthday wishlist - and you should all do the same. Because her stuff is bee.yoo.ti.ful.

Winner of the $50 Basket

You wondering who won? Well you'd better click over - it could be you.

Even if you don't win, I seriously recommend going over to the beautiful shop of the beautiful sponser to check out (and that means BUY) her stuff.

Oops, sorry - I need to head off to an awards ceremony (I apparently did pretty good on an ACT test, so they wanted me to come and get a medal). I will draw the winners later...

Just another reminder - to those who haven't entered, NewFashionedWhispers has a beautiful shop, and you don't want to miss out on the chance to win some of her gorgeous jewelry. (It took several attempts to spell "jewelry" right. Sometimes I have lots of trouble spelling the simplest words.)

So. Enter HERE. Don't forget. You only have a few more hours in which to enter...Off to receive a medal (I get to dress up!). I'll try to post the winners later today.

Enjoy your Saturday!

Taking Time to "Just Chill"

 

Just chill.

How many times have you had that said to you? It seems like I just give off this attitude of being very non-chilled. If I had a dollar every time someone said that to me, I would be a multi-billionaire by now. I think I am uptight - I get anxious if I sit around too long doing nothing. I'm compulsive, I know that. And if I don't be careful, life can just become a blend. It already has. Hours merging together, days becoming so similar that there seems no point in getting up in the morning...where is the beauty in that?

Playing my violin - a brief respite from the monotony that my life seems to have become. I love music. I love feeling the strings hum underneath my fingertips. I love making my bow stroke the inked notes into music - beautiful music. I love letting the notes fill my mind, swelling within my soul, allowing it to drown out the hurt, the pain, the anger, until the music is all I have. I love music.

Taking pictures - a window to another life, a life devoid of worries and saturated only with beauty. I love photography. I love feeling the curve of my camera fit into my hand. I love hearing the click as another moment is perserved, another memory created, one that I can treasure forever.

Running - a chance to relieve the stress of life and to be free. I love running. I love feeling the track pound beneath my feet. I love how the wind breaks over my face. I even love the pattern of my sweat on my forehead. I love the beat of my ponytail against the back of my neck. I love the strain of my lungs, the Skillet music throbbing in my ear, the aching of my legs. I love wishing that I could stop but knowing that I won't be able to until I am so exhausted there is no will left in me to even breathe.

Violin, photography and running give me thrills - taking time each day to do these things makes my heart so much lighter. Speaking of running, I cut my mile time down to eight minutes - after a month of not running (due to my low hemoglobin), I am very happy with eight minutes, though I am hoping to get it down to six eventually.

Relax, my friends - and take a little time to"just chill".

To My Mother

My AMAZING Mom.

Everyone says that their mom is the best, but seriously. My mom is the best.

I'm having trouble even describing her - what do I say? She's funny? She's not funny. She's HILARIOUS. Everything she does just cracks me up. Like when she can't figure out how to change her profile picture on Facebook. Like that one time when she was walking up the stairs at church and another woman dropped her purse and my mom yelped. Like when she's running around the track and she's got this big smile on her face, like running is the funnest thing in the world. Like when she cracks up at her own jokes, now usually that's annoying in other people, but in her it makes you laugh so hard you cry. She's not funny, like a weird funny. She's a cool funny. ;-)

And she's beautiful. One of my brother's friend's dad commented to my brother that my mom was "pretty enough to be a super model." This married guy actually said that. My family teases Momma about that all the time. She has gotten comments from people, asking if she was a runner. And Momma is totally a runner. She can run a 5k with no sweat. She's hardly even breathing hard. No seriously. I'm not exaggerating.

Mom is so kindhearted and unselfish. She makes all the meals, and washes dishes with the same attitude she has when she runs. Like how can dirty dishes bring someone that much joy?

She's so godly, too. Her faith for God has inspired me so much to truly be the best person I can be. And she always comforts me, and lets me cry on her shoulder as long as I want. Whenever friends are being mean, or my faith weak and needing encouragement - she's always there. Defending me and making me feel so much better. A talk with my mom lifts so much weight off my shoulders. I go from being hurt and very angry to thankful and happy. I go from being devastated to free.

She is always there to laugh, to cry, to dance, to sing, to have water fights (remember that, Mom?), to be goofy, to make me happy when I feel sad, to read me verses, to pray over me, to kiss me goodnight, to give me advice, to bring me up in the Lord.

God has blessed me so much with my momma. I love you, Mom. :-) 

"You have to be sad sometimes, otherwise you forget what it's like to be happy."

Who can understand how God works? He knows all things, sees all things - His ways are perfect, flawless, and whatever He makes happen, happens for a reason.

Yet sometimes He is just so confusing. I know I can't ever comprehend Him - and He created me, He knows what is best for me.

I have been going through a lot - mostly all spiritual stuff. Relapsing into that valley of deadness again. Is there any end to this vicious cycle? Dead. Renewed. Dead. Renewed. Dead. Renewed. Over and over and over.

I've been talking with a few of my best friends a lot recently. A lot of them are going through so much trouble, and so much pain. When they thought their life was getting better, it took a terrible twist and both were left in shock. Wave after wave of bad things happened to them.

My friend said this to me one day:

Bekah, I want to go back to when getting high was on the swing and your biggest worry was what outfit to wear in the morning.

Those young days, four or five years old, eight or nine even. Filled with simple trust, innocent perspective, no cares in the world. If only we could regain that simple trust, that innocence. If only we could shake that anxiety.

I know so many friends who have said to me the exact same thing, different phrasing, but same core. "I want to go back, Bekah. I want to go back."

Jesus said the children would lead us, and I never truly understood until now. I look at my younger siblings and ache for what they have.

And I believe I can regain this simple trust, this innocent perspective. I believe I can shake this constant anxiety. How?

Prayer.

My friend had so much going on, much more than I did. She said to me she couldn't ever imagine how her life could possibly get any worse. Then she texts me one morning. She said she had spent almost two hours last night, praying. Praying her heart and soul out. Crying, yes. Feeling angry at God, yes. But praying to Him, pleading with Him to renew her, to change her life in a radical way.

And when she got to school that day? Her two dear friends who had turned their backs on her, who had gossiped about her, who had made up ugly lies about her and spread them everywhere, who swore at her, who blocked her on Facebook, who insulted her and then completely ignored her - they talked to her today. Saying their sorry, and wanting to still be friends.

My friend is still really hurt by what they did to her, but she gave them a second chance. She was willing to redo their friendship. To start over. Completely start over. She is my best friend and I can learn so much from her. God put her in my life for a big reason: to help me grow, to help me accept past mistakes, to help me become a better person.

But what happened to my friend at school that day: PRAYER did that. Letting God in on the daily struggles, in on those friends that are being cruel - He will HEAL it. He granted my friend forgiveness and willingness to give her friends a second chance. Shutting Him out solves nothing.

Pray. That is the only advice that I have for those many friends that run to me when their life is ruined. Pray. Pray. Pray. The power of prayer is beyond our comprehension. Prayer works in many ways, some unseen and some seen. Prayer gives us strength to continue on, gives us God's heart and God's ways.

God has blessed me in so many ways. I just have to say that. My dear friend wrote me this card. I would post a picture of it, but it's on my phone. In it she said, among other things, "If you live to be a 100, I will want to live to be a 100 and 1 day so I will never have to live without you." My other dear friend wrote this to me: "You listen to me and try to explain stuff to me, even when you hardly know what to do yourself, and like even when I dont know what to do, and we are like in the exact some place in life, you always help me and say "yeah, I know," or "I love you" and you just help me alot, and help me make right decisions." I am seriously SO blessed by my friends. By my family.

Who can look at this and say they're not blessed?

An Amazing Giveaway for My Amazing Chums (and a chance to get in on another one!)

I have been wanting to host a giveaway for a while - you guys are such amazing followers, chums and commenters that you deserve some fabulous stuff. And guess what? A beautiful Etsyian donated a seriously breath-taking gift.

You ready to see it?

A $50 MYSTERY basket from NewFashionedWhispers!

Her stuff is seriously GORGEOUS. Vintagey and soft, unique, feminine - I look at those necklaces and they take my breath away. How fun would it be to wear them? And it's a basket, so you could get multiple jewelry from her. She's just so talented. And it would make a GREAT Mother's Day gift, don't you agree?

How To Enter:

1. Leave a comment telling me you want to enter.
2. Go visit NewFashionedWhispers and tell me what necklace you would absolutely LOVE to get. And seriously. You won't regret it. I LOVE her stuff.
3. Post about it!

Please leave a SEPERATE comment for each entry. That makes it so much easier on me. And I want to make sure you all get your due number of entries and that I don't miscount or anything.

And the fun doesn't end here. Another one of my lovely chums, Carissa @ lowercase letters is having another beautiful giveaway over at her blog. She's giving away one of these beautiful clutches...

I'm not a big purse person, but I would TOTALLY wear it/use it if I won. I've been trying to find a cute purse to carry my cell phone in...carrying it in your back pocket causes skin cancer, you know. ^_^

Anyways. I always regret saying this, because more entries lessens my chance of winning: but go enter! I say it every giveaway but I want to stress it this time, because those clutches are so dang cute!

Mad Monopoly Playing, Forgo the Top whadda ya get, Garage Sale, and that thing is ANNOYING!

(I accidently clicked publish before I was done - I hate when I do that)

Monopoly. A very long, very fun interesting game in which you wish at least a dozen times that the Monopoly money was real (I know I always do). But when you play Monopoly at our house, it turns into a game not of making each other broke, but bailing each other out of debt until the game goes on for weeks.

And we never play regular ole Monopoly. We play....

...Lord of the Rings Monopoly. Oh yes, quite a shocker. We have some die-hard LoTR fans at our house.

I won. I was amazed. Usually I lose. Miserably.

Look at the board closely - see all the hotels? Those were all mine. Ab and Peter were broke right out of the gate, but I kept lending them money 'cause I felt kinda bad...yeah. That's how it always goes. Peter keeps going, "Abby, we're never gonna be able to break her!" Haha. What a funny kid.

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While we were playing Monopoly, Momma was making lunch - soup (it's REALLY good). She was blending the vegetables in our beloved VitaMix, buuuuut forgot to put the top on and it started blending with its serious high-speed choppers and the soup exploded everywhere. Mom has a burn on her forehead from the boiling soup.

                           

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Moving along from one subject to the next... (couldn't think of any relevant transition for this one ^_^). We are having our very own garage sale this weekend. I'm amazed at how much junk we have around our house - well I don't want to call it junk 'cause we're selling it, but you know what I mean. Our whole dining room is clogged with an array of different items.

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Does tech ever drive you insane?! It seems like my laptop is out to get me - like seriously. No exaggeration there. See this thing?

It never goes away. The Windows Task Manager refuses to be closed or removed in any way, and stays there on my screen like an obstinate canker, driving me crazy.

Then sometimes (I minimized it so it would take up as little screen-space as possible) it goes like this when I try to move it:

And when I try and close tabs, it freezes, like this:

And it takes FOREVER to send a single flipping email!

My laptop is old. And I think it's running out of steam - as well as memory space. Did I tell you Gimp aborted on me twice within the span of ten minutes? I better stop saving up for Photoshop and save up for a new laptop (though I think daddy would pay for it...maybe).

Speaking of  Photoshop, I got the 30 day free trial, and am having tons of fun editing pictures. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Photoshop CS5. Ahhhh. Comparing it to Gimp is like comparing frozen pizza to stir-fried pea pods (yuck). And that was a weird comparison, but I'm in a weird mood.

I love Photoshop.

Dare to Learn...

...more things about me. (Hehehe, that didn't make a lot of sense, did it? ;-) My dear friend Awel is have a lovely blog party at her beautiful blog inspired designs (such a pretty name ;-). The prizes are amazing, and the questions are fun, so could I resist entering? Nope. Of course not. You should all go enter - seriously, the prizes are fantabulous.

1) What's your all time favorite blog/blogger?

Don't pull that one on me - I have so many. I'll give you top three, is that fair? 1. Lynnette's Dancing Barefoot 2. Ab's Rear Window and 3. Hannah's Aspire.

2) How do you personally define forgiveness?

Forgiveness? It is when someone wrongs you in a deep way, and it hurts - and you go from hating them to actually loving them. That act of relinquishing your heartache, forgetting the deep wrong, and becoming willing to start over with that person - that is forgiveness.

3) What object of your possession has the most sentimental value in your eyes?

My pair of headphones - it symbolizes new life, new faith, and new love.

4) What song do you consider your personal theme song?

I have many theme songs with many of my different friends. Give Me Your Eyes by Brandon Heath is Hannah and me's "song", while Lucy by Skillet is Jenna and me's "song". (I have a feeling I made a few grammar mistakes in the last sentence. Hm.)

5) Do the opinions of others about you really matter to you?

It depends on who those "others" are. If they're like one of my best friends, than yeah, that person's opinion matters.

6) Do you ever make up words?

Are you kidding me? Yes. I do. I also mispronounce SO many words. My friends still tease about when, a few years back, I pronounced ignorant "ig-NOR-ant."

7) Off the top of your head, do you know what your middle name means? (You can look it up though! :)

Nope. My name, Rebekah, means captivating. I looked up what "Grace" means...well, read it for yourself.

The name Grace is a word that is used to depict Man's relationship with God (God's grace) in the form of blessings and favors as also the physical aspect of beauty seen in one's manner and bearing. The Latin word gratia means favor and as such the name may be considered to be of Latin origin. The variants of the name are Gracey, Gracy, Gracia and Gratia.

I guess that explains it then.

8) What's is something that never fails to make you smile?

My little brother. :-)

9) What person has touched your heart the most?

Oh. Man. My momma, I guess. Does God count? Hehe. Just had to ask.

10) Give a scene in a book where you really understood what the author was trying to convey.

Uh...mindblank.

11) What do you think of HTML? Is it the ENEMY or your friend?

Friend. Definitely. Don't know where I would be without it.

12) What person comments the most consistently on your blog?

I don't like picking favorites, but Memzie at The Rebuilder does the most. I love you, Memzie! :-)

13) Who is your personal hero/heroine (fiction or real, or both)? Why?

My fiction heroine is Emily of New Moon - she is just so crazy awesome, and is exactly like me in so many ways. And then my real-life (haha, like book characters aren't real-life) heroine is my momma. Of course.

14) Are you curious or are you satisfied knowing that "that's just the way it is"?

You give me "that's just the way it is" and I will drive myself crazy wondering about it for the rest of my life.

15)List the your top 5 favorite songs. Do they have anything in common? Why do you love them?

1. Lead Me by Sanctus Real. ('cause I just love it. Makes me get all teary-eyed) 2. Lucy by Skillet. ('cause it's me and Jenna's song. And it's so SAD!) 3. Tears Fall by BarlowGirl. (it makes me feel so sad about abortion )-: ) 4. Superman by Five For Fighting. (SO sad and beautiful. And it's in the perfect key so I can sing it at the top of my lungs.) 5. Empty Chairs at Empty Tables in Les Miserables (again, it's so sad, and low enough that I can sing it really loud without having to go into falsetto). Ha, I guess I must like sad songs.

16) Do you ever get into arguments with...your characters? (that's if you write a book :). And if you don't write, do you think you would?

Um, yeah. All the time. I sometimes hate my characters.

17) While reading a book or watching a movie, were you ever blown away by an unexpected plot twist? What was it and how did you react?

Yes. Yes. Yes. Harry Potter. Harry Potter. Harry Potter. Oh, and Beyond the Summerland by a somebody Graham. I threw the book across the room 'cause I was so ticked.

18) What's your personal opinion of i-designs? (orignal, I know, but I really want to know! :)

Bee-yoo-ti-ful.

19) What's your favourite color combinations?

Teal, teal and more teal.

20) What's your favourite comic book series?

I haven't read comic books since second grade.

21) What is the oldest book you've read? How old was it? (By old, I mean, like antique books...the manuscript doesn't have to be old, just the copy of it. :)

It is Girls Who Became Writers and it was like, early 1900s? I think?

22) What character in any movie or book, would you say is the MOST like you?

Emily of New Moon.

23) If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Not a very nice question, but I would change the fact that I'm so gullible. It's annoying. My friend once told me that if you "poke" someone on Facebook, the system alerts an employee, who actually runs to the person and POKES him/her. And I believed her.

24) As a child, what was one thing that always frightened you? This could be something real or imagined! :)

The dark. I used to be so scared of the dark.

25) What's your life motto?

Job 8:21, I guess. (Go look it up, hehe)

26) As you're sitting in café, you're given a note: "It's in your best interests to meet me at 7 P.M. tonight, alone, at Pine and 4th." How would you react?

I would go to Pine and 4th, totally!

27) Name seven of your favourite books.

The seven Harry Potter books. I'm a die-hard Harry Potter fan. (I'm married to Ron, by the way. Just so you all know.) :-)

28) Name your absolutle favorite font (you can have more than one though)!

Oh, that's tough. I like SO many. Okay, I'll through a few out there. Usenet, Geosans Light, Roman Fatal Serif, Century Gothic, Miama Script, and any Pea font.

29) Have you ever cried over...a book or a movie?

Are you kidding me? Yes, yes, yes.

30) What's something that's brought you so much comfort?

My Bible. Sounds kind of sappy, but it's true.

31) Describe what you would call a perfect moment.

Experiencing the flash.

32) What's the fastest you've ever read?

Oh I don't know. Look for my name in the Guiness Book of World Records. (hehe, just kidding, I don't read that fast)

33) What's your favorite book/movie genre?

I can't stand mystery. I like romance, fantasy, and anything that's slightly spooky.

34) Do you say one word a lot just because of the way it sounds? If so, what's the word?

Phlegm. Haha. PHLEGM!

35) What's something you thought you'd hate, but ended up loving?

Running, I guess. :-)

36)Do you prefer British or American spellings of words (ex: the British favourite to the American favorite)

American, of course.

37) List a few of your favourite names.

Brittany, Luke, Emily, Joanna and Nicholas.

38) What is your favourite movie?

The Matrix. :-)

39) Imagine you're writing a story, and one of your characters keeps something buried in a box where no one will find it. What's in the box and what's its significance?

The box holds all the secrets of the world, and the character is trying to keep it hidden so the "bad guys" can't find it. The box is found, the character is terrible at digging.

40) Was this boring? (be honest! :)

Oh yes, it was terrible. I'm kidding, obviously. It was a blast. :-)