The good, the bad and the EMBARRASSING!

My dear friend Hannah is having this fun thingy-ma-bob (I never know what to call it! Hehehe...). It's like a giveaway ten times over, a blog party, and just a get-to-know-each-other. There's sweet prizes - if I don't win one, I'm going to be veeeery sad.  (Oh, and I apologize for posting TWICE today - but I had to do this otherwise honestly I would have forgotten)

AND! Before I go any further, my hemoglobin is up to a smashing 11which is fantastic!! Three units of blood raised it six degrees. SO awesome. And get this (just have to brag about my misfortunes a liiiitle more): if I hadn't come in when I had, I would have gone into a coma. A COMA. That is so freaky.

Okay, now, before I start rambling about something else, I will return to the thingy-ma-bob. Planting Chums. THERE! Finally got the name. Hehehe. I'm supposed to give you four things about myself. This is going to be boring for those of you who have followed my blog for a while - but for those awesome new followers, read on. :-)

1. I love those little kid shows, like Backyardigans (though the characters confuse me...what's a moose doing, riding a horse?).

They make me feel so nostalgic. Plus they have plots that require no thinking whatsoever - so that's always nice, right?

2. I am terrible at board games. Or any kind of games.

I cannot win anything. I can't even win War because I'm so unlucky. I always get the 2s and the 4s. Never the Jokers. But games are different from SPORT games. I'm so competitive there, whereas with other games, I couldn't care less. Anything with a ball and two teams and a field just gets me going. :-)

3. I cannot fake an accent to save my life. Anything that I try to accent comes out sounding half-British half-lunatic.

It's true. Ask my siblings.

4. Sometimes I am VERY overdramatic (not to mention I exaggerate everything and say "like" aaaaall the time).

My dear friend and I were reading one of our old chats once when we got into a big fight - and I was SO overdramatic it was not even funny (actually, it WAS really funny :-). I would show you some of the things I said but it's really embarrassing. Haha. I'm laughing just thinking about it. Okay, I'm probably going to regret showing you this, but look (me =  me, obviously):

me: you know what, im DONE with talking to you. just LEAVE me ALONE!

And we were literally fighting over the LITTLEST thing. It was HILARIOUS. And believe me, it got worse.

Haha. We've had good times and we've had bad times.

Appreciating the LITTLE Things:: "Oh this? This is my Sansa!" :: a cute video

My younger sister Ab has this Sansa. It seems to be a theme with the younger girls...a few of my friends have younger sisters with Sansas. A Sansa is a cheap really cheap music player. It has like one GB of storage, so it's not good at all.

But you know what? She is in love with it.

There is an iPod touch and an iPod nano in the house. Yet she is perfectly content with her Sansa!

Again...I have so much to learn! As I'm writing this, I'm overwhelmed by how much I can take this and apply it to my life. It's all persepective, you know. You could look at having a Sansa as opposed to an iTouch like this: "Why does he get an iTouch? And I am stuck with this stupid thing?!"

OR. You could look at it this way: "For a long time, I didn't have any music player. A Sansa isn't the greatest, granted, buuut. It's something."

That goes for everything. Life is so much easier if I take a step back and re-adjust my perspective. Having a good attitude makes it easier on me and on those around me.

Soooo many times have I had to check myself and change my attitude. I never realized how whiny I can sound until I took the time to listen to the words as they came out of my mouth. I never realized how crushing a simple remark can make until I took the time to notice what impact my words had on others. I never realized how ungrateful I can sound until I took the time to step back and re-adjust my outlook on things.

Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe. Hebrew 12:28

Ungratefulness is a BIG issue. Paul (or whoever wrote Hebrews - thats a controversial subject) was aware that people were struggling with it two thousand some years ago! And that sure hasn't changed since...You know, we're sponsering a child. And Eugene has nothing. It helps a lot to remember a personal name when trying to change my ungratefulness to thankfulness. "I'm complaining about what we have to eat - Eugene doesn't HAVE anything to eat!" That helps more than, "I hate what we have to eat. But people in Africa dont have anything to eat." It helps a lot if you sponser a child.

And once again, Ab is teaching me so much. She is begging Momma and Daddy to let us sponser another child! She said she is willing to give up her allowance in order to sponser another child. Wow. She once gave fifty dollars of her own money to buy Christmas gifts for Eugene.

I will leave you with this cute video.

And about my health issues: I'm going this morning to the doctor again to do ONE more blood-draw. To check my hemoglobin, just to be safe. Only one more blood-draw. Again, I LOVE YOU ALL! Thank you so much for all your SWEET comments! Okay. With that over, I leave you again with this adorable video. :-)

Oh, and ignore the "related vidoes" that pop up after the video is over...I have no idea who they are from and what about. Watch at your risk.

It's Over. That what I need to remember...it's OVER.

Thank you all so much for your beautiful wonderful comments. As I was laying in the hospital bed crying because my head and arm hurt so bad, I read your comments from my phone...and it made everything so much better. Like seriously, I can't tell you how much they boosted my attitude. I knew that it was gonna be okay because I had all of my crazy awesome blogger friends praying for me. :-)

So let me just start at the beginning, when everything started going wrong and we had to go to the hospital. I was bleeding abnormally long, and so that's why we went to the doctor in the first place. Doctor Albert checked my blood, did some tests, and sent me home. We got a call a few days ago saying that everything was normal.

But my momma was concerned because I had been feeling so weak, and looking so pale. So she called the office and they told her to bring me in. The first thing the doctor said to me was, "Oh my gosh, you are SO pale!" She even went so far as to say I looked like a ghost, and coming from a doctor, that can't be good.

I took some pictures of myself before I went, and looking at them now, I am amazed. My face was literally dead white, my lips were the same color as my skin, I had purple bags and red eyes. I can't believe I even went in public with my color the way it was.

So Tuesday afternoon, Doctor Albert told me I needed to get some more tests. So Momma and I walked to the lab, and I remember wishing that I could go home and go to bed. My vision was cracking and my knees were wobbling, my head aching. It wasn't that great.

I entered the lab, was seated in one of those big chairs, and the nurse got one of those scary knifes hidden in a box. She slid the tip of my finger into the rounded corner in the small knife-box, and clicked a button. The blade gashed my finger, and the nurse squeezed it to get blood out. Finger-pricks don't sound very painful, do they?  But your fingers have many many nerves on the tips, because they touch so many things. So yeah. It was painful. It was to test my hemoglobin, and she got the bottle with my blood and gave it to the doctor to test.

Then she got another box thing with a hidden blade, and cut my arm this time, right next to my other cut from a few weeks ago. She timed how long it took for me to stop bleeding.

Normally, it takes eight or ten minutes. Ten minutes max. It took me sixteen minutes to slow down, and even then the bleeding didn't stop completely. So the nurse was concerned about that. But before she could do anything, she got a message from the doctor, requesting that we go back to the room immediately. Which means something isn't right.

Doctor Albert said that the normal hemoglobin level is 12-18. My hemoglobin was 5.3. Which is EXTREMELY low. She said I needed to get wheelchaired to the emergency room immediately and after that, ambulenced to Minneapolis (about an hour away) to the Children's hospital to get more speciliazed care. I didn't know what that meant, all I heard was "ambulenced." I was really excited, I gotta say. I mean, seriously, AMBULENCED? How awesome! Mmm. Not. (Thankfully, I didn't end up being ambulenced to Minneapolis.)

I was wheeled to the ER. I was put in a side-room, and was told to undress. I had already gone through so much and was in so much pain I didn't even care. I was dressed by a nurse in a hospital gown, and hooked up to an IV, which is where they put a needle in your arm and then stick a tube in there so they can pour whatever they need to pour into your body.

A  woman doctor came in, and took my blood pressure and temps and such and then left. I waited there forever. Momma and Daddy came and sat with me, and Grandma too. Hours crawled past. My doctors appointment was at 3:30. I got to the ER at 5:15. A lot of nurses came and went, asked me questions, felt around, took my blood pressure/temps, etc. I had to go get an ultrasound to make sure there wasn't anything in my ovaries. I felt like I was pregnant. Ultrasounds, IV, those stupid hospital gowns, that annoying "Hugs" bracelet to make sure I didn't sleepwalk...I had it all.

At about 7:00, the main doctor finally came in, and asked some questions. Then he took a blood sample again, in my other arm that wasn't hooked up to the IV, and then came back a while later, and said that my blood type was AB+. AB- is the most uncommon blood type, but AB+ was the next uncommon. They didn't have my blood type in the "blood bank" (what a COOL name!) so they couldn't pump blood into me, so they needed to get the blood from a different state's blood bank. It was five hours before the blood even arrived at the hospital, and another hour before it was screened and tested and ready to pump into me.

At around midnight, they hooked me up to a blood-pump and began giving me blood. I received two units, and it takes two or three hours to pump one unit. It was about five o'clock in the morning before all the blood was finally in me. I slept a little bit during the blood transfusion, but not much because it was very uncomfortable. I remember laying there on my bed, just staring into the darkness. I fingered violin songs on my bedspread to keep my arm from going numb. I repeated verses that I had memorized in my head to keep from crying. (It was very hard to lay there, feeling blood pumping into you, remembering having to expose your whole body to complete strangers and letting them feel you and poke you and stick their fingers  and their needles and probes everywhere)

The doctors have to wait four hours before they can test my hemoglobin again and get accurate readings. So at about 8:45 that morning, they came in, shot a needle in my arm and drew blood. My momma and I waited around the whole morning, watching I love Lucy and Little House on the Prairie (I love both of these shows, but they get really old REALLY fast). At noon, a doctor came in, and told me I needed one more unit of blood. That was so hard. By that time, I wanted out. I didn't want to stick around for another three hours.

But I didn't really have a choice. My hemoglobin was still pretty low, and I wasn't completely out of  the woods, so I needed that extra unit.

You know what I hate about the hospital? You have no control over your situation. The doctors need to poke you with needles, undress you, take your blood? You can't say no. It's for YOUR health, but its YOUR body, you're the one who has to deal with uncomfort and pain. I hate when doctors pull a huge needle on you and say "this will only pinch for a second" and then give you the worst shot of your life. I hate when doctors ask you personal questions, and talk about your bleeding like they are discussing the weather. I hate hospital food. It almost made me throw up. I HATE hospital food. I had next to no food throughout my long stay there, and I lost two and a half pounds.

These last few days have been hard. The worst days of my life. But you all helped through it, Hannah left me a sweet voicemail that I listened to at least five times, Jenna texted me through the whole process and stayed up super late even though she had school the next day, and the nurses were kind. I have bruises and gashes and pokes on my arms, but my lips are re-gaining color and I can RUN up the stairs without being out of breath (believe me, that is SO nice). Even though I'm technically not supposed to ("absolutely no physical strain whatsoever").

I'm exhausted. But I feel better. I have to forget the needles, the pain, the awkwardness, the probing, the tests. I have to remember your AMAZING comments, my nearness to God, my amazing friends, my amazing family.

What really made me feel bad about this whole thing was that yesterday was Ab's birthday. Momma had to be at the hospital all night and wasn't there to wake her up by singing happy birthday. She wasn't there to take pictures of her eating doughnuts. She wasn't there to take her for ice-cream early in the morning. She wasn't there to pamper her and make her feel special because she was with me at the ER. And yesterday was Daddy's BIG presentation at work. He got no sleep two nights ago, and little sleep Tuesday night (staying with me until like midnight), so he was tired for his presentation. He did really well, but I'm sure he would have done even better if I hadn't been shipped to the hospital. It wasn't my fault, I know that, but...you know. I can't help but feeling bad.

You guys have helped me SO much, and I just want to give you a huge HUG for being there for me! :-)

All that I have to do now is take it easy and get my hemoglobin up there again. No more needles and blood. Hallelujah. :-)

Simplicity :: How we make life SO complicated...

I slept over at Jenna's house a few nights ago. It was insane - like all sleepovers with your best friend are. :-)

She brought me to church the next morning, and afterwards, her daddy and my daddy tried to coordinate the exchange of my sleepover stuff. Her daddy got in his car with my stuff, my daddy got in his car on the other side of the parking lot, and it took literally twenty minutes for them to finally pull over by each other and exchange the stuff.

It was hilarious because this simple task took so long to execute. It could have taken five minutes, but instead it took twenty.

And it's like...sometimes, I wonder how much harder I'm making it on myself with life in general. Where I could have simplicity, I have complications. Stress, worry, anxiety - all these things are NOT of God. God is peace...

I walk up the stairs, and I'm literally exhuasted. My lungs are stinging, my knees feel like they are made of burning jelly, and I'm breathing as hard as I am after running three miles. That's what happens when I WALK up the stairs. Not run, but WALK.

As of three weeks ago, I could run three miles in 25 minutes (which isn't so great, but, you know, whatever). Now? I can't run up one flight of STEPS much less run three miles! I'm so...so...WEAK. It's like all I can do is sit at my desk and twiddle my thumbs.

Yesterday, it was pretty nice out, and my mom, Peter and I were doing a project outside. Afterwards, Peter snatched a squirt gun and began chasing after me with it. I ran for ten seconds, max, away from him. I was so out of breath that it was impossible for me to keep running. I pretty much just collapsed on the pavement and lay for about five minutes, gasping.

Ten seconds of running did that to me.

I don't know what's happening to me. For the last seven days or so, I have been able to do nothing of physical strain. I feel like a parasite or something, just sitting around, reading, writing, blogging, designing, taking pictures, texting. I used to run two or three times a week, and two or three miles at a time. I lifted weights, did stretches, went golfing, played soccer, did work projects outside - and now, what am I doing? Sitting around, doing nothing.

This whole thing...however blatant this may seem, I am FREAKED.

I had my blood tested a few weeks ago, if you remember, and we heard back from the doctor. My blood is apparently normal, but this intense exhaustion didn't start until a few days after the appointment. So we're going again in a few hours to get my blood tested again (nooo...more needles .__.).

What's happening with my blood is that, well, let's just call it anemia. It's where my body doesn't have enough healthy red blood cells, which account for "fatigue" (one of the main symptoms) and low iron in the blood, which can cause the body to be sick. That's what the doctor suggested, but that was before she tested my blood, so I'm not exactly sure what I have.

It's really just...making my life a lot more complicated. I'm anxious, discouraged, and it's a lot harder for me to laugh and just really enjoy life. It's making me crabby and down all the time...please just pray for me.

I may not be able to run, or exercise vigorously, for a few more weeks...but I just need to look on the brighter side of things. It'll give me more time for these things...

I just need to give all of this anxiety about this to Him...He can carry it a lot better than I can. Prayer would still be really appreciated...I'll keep you posted if we hear anything more. Meanwhile...I'll go help clean up the furnace room (our septic is clogged). Yuck.

PARTY TIME :: The Magic of ShrinkyDinks

Oh that picture is so pixelated it hurts my eyes to look at it.

Ever heard of ShrinkyDinks? They're MAGICAL. How does that relate to anything? Weeeeell...

My sister Ab had a birthday party a few days ago, and it was crazy awesome (I love birthday parties, :-). (It ended on a bad note. Ab's best friend went home early, and left my sister in tears)

There were beautiful decorations, fun games, lots of laughter, goofy pictures and yummy food.

 

Oh, and did I mention there were CRAFTS? Make the connection?

We did ShrinkyDink crafts, and it was rather stressful :: though very productive. :-)

First of all, there were four impatient kids and only one set of markers...

Then! The ShrinkyDinks wrinkle up when placed in the oven, and I got a panic attack because I thought they would stay like that.

I wasn't the only one anxious about them...the kiddos were huddled around the oven the whole five minutes the ShrinkyDinks were in there.

Here's the easy chair that's supposed to be a heart, a minute before you take the pan out.

(This picture is even more pixelated than the ShrinkyDink one)

The final product!

(this one is pixelated also, as it is a crop)

Now tell me that ShrinkyDink isn't MAGICAL!

Well?

I re-did the header. At first I didn't like it...but it's growing on me. ;-)

Better? Worse?

(and this has gotta be the shortest post I have ever written...)

Yes, I've Done It AGAIN...

Yes, yes. I've done it again.

Re-designed my blog. I don't know, I just didn't like the feel of the previous one...that balloon kid got really old really fast. Plus I just LOVE designing...and you won't believe it!

I bought my VERY first digital scrapbooking kit! Yes, you read it right: I BOUGHT it.

Haha. I'm very proud. Best six dollars I've ever spent. ;-)

Now, I know that the look isn't PERFECT and it doesn't look very professional (yes, Mom, it's "imagery". Inside joke. )...buuut. You know I have Gimp, right? Yeah. Can't do a ton with it - plus I'm just not that great.

Someday, I WILL get photoshop CS4 and lightroom...

...buuut it won't be for a while. Don't have a thousand dollars lying around collecting dust. Anyways. You like the look?

Comment and tell me what you think...I saved xcfs of all the files, so if you have any suggestions, I'd love to hear them. ;-)

Now off to watch The Matrix all by my lonesome...my usual movie-watching buddy (my bro) is gone on a sleepover. Not that I'm complaining...I love the movie. ;-)

I. Hate. Gimp.

Yes, the dreaded moment has arrived - I show you some of my poetry that I wrote a while ago. Note: poetry does not come naturally to me. At times, I have moments where I just know I can write poetry - and then it completely flops. I know I'm terrible, but I wrote it while I was waiting for Gimp to load - I had to vent somehow, right? ;)

i hate gimp, so crude and bad
it aborts my work, makes me sad
it drives me crazy, so i must
grit my teeth and try not to bust

i wish that i could delete it from
my 'puter but the will wont come
i want to scream, i want to cry
oh how i want gimp to die

i want to stab its evil heart
i want to tear it all apart
i have no money to buy better
so i must use gimp, a curséd fetter
bekah grace, march 2010

Yeah, don't think so bad of me...as I said before, poetry is not my strong point. (and I can only stand poetry that rhymes, haha)

I'm just reading it over again and laughing so hard because of how bad it is. "I want to stab its evil heart, I want to tear it all apart." Jeepers. Didn't know Gimp had a heart.

Pause :: Slow Down :: I need to BREATHE!

I hate the feeling when you first realize you've done something wrong, morally, spiritually, physically. That initial pang of your conscience - and if your conscience is anything like mine, you'll get no rest until you right that which you did wrong.

Like when I flop into bed at eleven o'clock at night, needing sleep after a long evening - and then I realize I didn't floss my teeth. Vivid images of cavities and dead teeth fill my mind, until, you guessed it, I drag myself out of bed and grab a floss.

Or, when Ab [younger sister] asks me to do her hair when I'm in the middle of doing mine - and I snap at her. My conscience screams and wails until I apologize and spend half-an-hour curling her hair.

Oh yes, I hate when my conscience can't seem to be quiet. All of a sudden, a few nights ago, it began screaming and clamoring - why?

Scroll up and take a look at that picture again - terrible, isn't it? It's all grainy, and unfocused, and full of noisy colors. It hurts my eyes to look at it.

And honestly, that's what life has been like lately. I feel like I've been walking around, knocking into everything because I've been so out of focus.

I wish I could just pause life. Slow it down...I need to have time to breathe! And this infernal busyness - it's not from school. In fact, school is almost nonexistant because I have finished all my classes. So, why am I so busy?

It's from life lived focused on unimportant things.

I've just been so concerned with petty things that don't matter - they burn me out, wear me down. I feel so tired writing this...where has the beauty of life disappeared to?

Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun. Ecclesiastes 2:11

Ahh. "Chasing after the wind." I feel like that's what I've been doing - chasing after the wind. Sigh. It's tiring - fills me with bone-jarring weariness. Busying myself with meaningless things...it's exhausting.

This morning, I sat and prayed and read the Bible for half-an-hour before breakfast.

And it was SO relaxing. I had this slight time to just breathe. To be renewed. To be revived.

You have filled my heart with great joy...I will lie down and sleep in peace. Psalm 4: 7-8

"Each man's life touches so many other lives..."

It's just been one of those days - a mish-mash day. (Try saying "mish-mash" five times fast ^_^) Some parts good, some parts bad, some parts in between.

Take sitting out in the sun for a few hours over lunch as an example. Now that's good. Really good.

Take watching It's A Wonderful Life with popcorn. Now that's good too.

It's A Wonderful Life is one of those "feel-good" movies. It's not exactly tense, or action-filled, but leaves you with this warm fuzzy feeling inside your stomach. Like this one line that Clarence (the angel) said...

Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?

You know...you ever get that feeling that you don't matter? That no-one appreciates you?

The truth is...

You MATTER.

To your family, to your friends - but especially to God. You MATTER to Him.

God loved the world so much that He gave His one and only Son so that whoever believes in Him may not be lost, but have eternal life. John 3:16

He LOVES you, and He wants to know you, and He appreciates you more than you could ever know...Ahh. That's a kind of security that I couldn't do without. :-)

The Greatest, the Amazingest, the Craziest

You know those people in your life who change everything for the better? Those people that are your hero, role-model, and best friend all at once?

That's my mom.

We celebrated her birthday on Sunday...and had tons of fun. :)

All I can say is...

My family ROCKS!

Two words: Relaxation and randomness. ^_^

So Do Dreams Die...

A writer.

Ever since age nine, that's how I've defined myself. "I write. That makes me a writer." From the moment I had that revelation, it became my catch phrase. Never did I doubt it, all those years - I'm a writer. That's who I am. That's who I always will be.

My writing notebook - just dying to be written in again.

But things change. Just as relationships cool, just as a rainbow fades, just as all good things need to come to an end - so do dreams die.

So do passions end.

I don't know who I am anymore - I don't know with what words to define myself. Am I a writer? I don't know anymore. Am I a photographer? I don't know anymore. Am I a reader? I don't know anymore.

And if I don't know...

...does that even matter?...

I tried writing just a few minutes ago. I really tried. I sat there at my computer, stared at where I left off in my dying novel that has a brilliant plot but no heart, and realized for the first time how little I really know myself.

I don't know how to define myself. I don't know what I'm like. I don't know how I act. I don't know my habits, my hobbies, my interests - and if I did, I wouldn't understand how to develop them.

...

There's these plants out in the backyard. Each of them have beautiful flowers that blossom in the summer - but right now, they're just buds.

 

Do I doubt that someday these buds will blossom into flowers?

No.

God knows who I am and who I need to become - and I need to trust Him with that. I need to let go, and to trust that He will revive what needs to be revived.

I am a pile of embers, but He will blow new life into me...that I am sure of, just as I am confident that the sun will rise in the morning...

I can't wait for those plants to blossom. :)

IT CAME!! :: and Some Fun Giveaways

What came? What came?

Take a look at these and see if you can't figure it out...

Still haven't got it? Feast your eyes on THESE, then...

Oh yeah. It's my phone. My awesome phone. My very first, positively wonderful, incredible-beyond-belief phone. (there we go - that's better than "awesome", right? ;)

Still getting the hang of it - can't figure out for the life of me how to record my answering voice-mail. But honestly, you should have seen me when the UPS guy came. I could have hugged him. ^_^

On a completely different note, my buddy Eldarwen is having a pretty sweet blog party over at her blog. I would tell everyone to go enter - but the fact is, I want to win, so the less entries, the greater my chance of winning. So please don't enter.(I know, I'm so considerate ^_^)

1) How old are you?

I'm twelve. Ohh the agony. I'm almost thirteen - honestly. ^_^

2) What name do you go by on blogger?

Bekah.

3) When is your birthday?

June 27th. See, I told you I was almost thirteen.

4) If you could live anywhere in the world, besides where you live now, where would it be?

Florida.

5) How did you find out about Blogger?

My friend made a blog, and so honestly I was intrigued - so I made the switch from HSB (homeschool blogger) to Blogger. Am so thankful I did.

6) Tell us something interesting about yourself.

Well...I'm a blondie (and sometimes often act like one), I am the most disorganized person on the face of this earth, I think html is incredible, and I have a severed tendon in my middle finger of my left hand.

7) What was your favorite toy when you were little?

My webkinz (haha, I was so obsessed with them ^_^), my bunny rabbit named Violet (*coughs* still is my favorite toy ;), and a barbie that I named Mandie and was my best friend.

8) What is your favorite meal? Have you ever cooked/helped cook that meal?

My mom's special macoroni. It's this organic kind of macoroni, and she puts special cheese sauce on it that is HEAVENLY and I could eat it forever. I have cooked it so many times - it's my favorite meal, for Pete's sake. ;)

9) If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Oh...well, that's not a very nice question. ^_^ But I'll answer it anyway...I would change the fact that I always mispronounce every other word that I use. Honestly, something wacko must be going on with my brain because I still think "IG-norant" looks like "ig-nore-ANT" and "ane-GEL-ic" looks like "ANGEL-ic".

10) Are you an outside person, or an inside person?

An outside person. Definitely.

11) Are you a mommy's boy/girl, or a daddy's boy/girl?

That's like asking if I like talking or laughing better - it's an impossible question to answer.

My daddy and I are so similar in so many different ways - we like the same foods, like the same hobbies, like the same music, etc. But my momma and I are so close and have such deep trust between us...Yeah. I won't be able to answer that question. ^_^

12) In one word, describe the feeling you get when you stub your toe, after just being told by your parents that you are grounded for the next month:

Regretful.

13) Let's say you TP'd your friend's house. If someone asked you why you TP'd your friends house, you would say:

That's an odd question - do I look like the person who would TP someone's house? But if I did TP someone's house, I would say when asked why, "It was a joke...? Need me to help clean it up?"

14) Have you ever gone swimming in deep, dark, dirty water?

Uh no. Not on my life. I would get paranoid.

15) Have you ever dreamed about getting ready to leave the house, and forgetting to get your pants on?

Nope, thank goodness. ^_^

16) Have you ever done something so ridiculous, that you wish you'd never done it? If so, what?

Who hasn't? Let me think a second...hm. Honestly, I can't think of any, because there's been sooo many.

17) Imagine that you saw a purse snatching. What would you do?

a. scream and run away.

b. move out of the state/country.

c. tackle the purse snatcher to the ground.

d. ignore it, start whistling, and turn the other direction.

No competition. Definitely c. ^_^

18) How many friends do you have on blogger?

Many. Many, many, many.

19) What makes blogging so much fun for you?

I don't know - I guess I just love writing about my life. I love sharing pictures, getting sympathetic comments, and reading everyone's wonderful blogs. Blogger is just a great way to connect with other incredible people - and learn more about yourself in the process. :)

20) You're a turtle, who has bet that you can win a race with a rabbit. How does it turn out?

With me winning, of course. ^_^

That was fun - Eldarwen deserves lots of entries...sooo GO ENTER! (I'm going to regret saying that when I don't win the sweet giveaway...haha ;)

And my other friend Hannah is having a fun little thingy...I don't know what to call it. But there are sweet prizes.

The question is what is our favorite game...haha. Funny. I love it, though.

And my answer?...

Hand and Foot.

It's this old, complicated card-game that my grandparents taught my family years ago and that we have played ever since. I love playing it because of all the memories that are intertwined with the game.

A few years ago, my siblings and I went to my grandma's cabin with our two awesome cousins (David, 13; and Mat, 8)--and it was just the kids and Grandma and Grandpa...no parents.

One night, we ate tomato soup, hot chocolate, ice-cream and apples (a BAD combination). The kids then proceeded to play Hand and Foot. In the middle of the game, Ab (my younger sister) got up suddenly, looking kind of sick. I jumped up (I was like nine years old), clamped my hand over her mouth, and rushed her to the bathroom. She managed to hold her puke in, until we reached the bathroom, and it exploded out of her mouth, spraying through my fingers all over everything...

I'm not going to go into many disgusting details...but it was purple and chunky, all over my face and hands and her face and the walls and the floor and the mirror...

Oh yes. A very fond memory that I am reminded of every single time we play Hand and Foot. ;)

"Playing Mail" :: Feeling Nostalgic :: and My Morning

My daddy has these junk mail scattered all over his desk. I was looking through them, and there was one that had one of those fake credit-cards in them, y'know?

Well, I had this best friend a long time ago - at least five years ago. She lives in the neighborhood still, but we have totally lost touch. Well, when I was about seven or eight, I would go over to her house for hours (literally - HOURS!) and I would bring all of my daddy's junk mail. She would have a pile of junk mail, and we would sit down at her kitchen table and open all of those letters.

I remember feeling really grown-up, sitting there, eating popcorn and opening letters. We would discuss the letters in British accents ("They spelled my last name wrong!" "Oh my - they say if I call them, I could get fifteen per-cent off on car in-shure-eence. What's car in-shure-eence?") and pretend to have tea parties.

Sigh. Can't help but miss those days.

______________________________________

Anyways, I had to go to the doctor this morning to check my hemoglobin, or something like that. The doctor sent me to the lab to get my blood tested - that was a warning flag for me. While my momma and I were waiting outside the lab, I asked her (full of apprehension) if they would have to prick my finger. (I hate that sort of stuff)

"No, it'll be a little bit bigger than that," she replied, picking up a magazine.

"WHAT?! What do you mean, a little bit bigger than that?!"

She didn't reply.

"Needles?!" I demanded.

"Uh...yeah. They'll put a needle into your blood vessel. It won't hurt that much."

Before I had time to thoroughly think that over and get freaked out, the lab-woman came. I sat in one of those big chairs and sure enough, she made me push my sleeve up to my elbow, found my blood vessel in the crook of my arm, and stuck a long needle in there. (In reality, it wasn't that long - but any needle is freaky, right?)

There was a pinch, and then the can attached to the needle began to rapidly fill up with blood. Despite my nausea, I was honestly fascinated. She filled up four cans with my dark ruby blood, and then cut a little gash into my other arm to see how long it would take me to stop bleeding.

Every fifteen seconds, the lab-woman would scrape a piece of paper across the gash to soak up the blood. That hurt. It took eight minutes for the wound to stop bleeding - the longest eight minutes of my life.

I was so glad to get out of there - believe me. SO glad. ^_^

______________________________________

When we got home, my younger siblings were playing a board game with my younger cousin (who is over for the day). They were so cute - all playing together happily. (Peter is the one with glasses, Abby the gal, and Matthew the one with the blue shirt.)

As I write this, Peter (younger brother) and Matthew (cousin) are playing basketball around me - sometimes chucking the ball at me just to see how I'll react.

A few minutes ago, Peter accidently bumped Mat into the wall, and Mat got a big bruise. I was concerned that Mat was going to blow up at Peter or something. Peter shouted:

Mat! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to hit you into the wall!

Mat replied (after about thirty seconds of groaning):

Hey, Pete, that's okay. It's okay, Pete. Let's start the game over. Let's start over. Ouch. Come on, Pete.

It was so cute - isn't it amazing how forgiving they are? (They're both eight years old - and great friends. It's so cute to see them together. :)

And Mat totally forgot about what happened - even though he has a bruise the size of a baseball on his back!

______________________________________

Oh, and one more thing. Peter and Ab were blowing bubbles yesterday afternoon - just gotta show you the cute pictures I got. :)

Thank God for the Bible and Brian Reagan

Public speaking.

Tell me that doesn't fill you with dread. OoooOOOooh. (that was a very loud sigh to get rid of all the tension)

I have this writing class that I'm in--and it's pretty sweet. But at the end of the year (a.k.a. now), each of the students has to give a presentation of his/her portfolio....AAAhhhhhhhhHHHH!! (that was a shriek that revealed all of my freaked-out-ness at such an assignment)

3 minutes. 25 people - give or take a couple, I am terrible at estimating (that means FIFTY EYES!). Standing up there all by yourself. Knees shaking. Hands wobbling. Voice stuttering. Face burning.

Sound fun?!

Not on my life.

So this morning, I was feeling very stressed - don't laugh, I'm like that, I get stressed over the littlest things. I realized I just had to take it to God, so I was praying that I wouldn't be so nervous - and I felt this urge to open Exodus. I opened it, and my eyes caught here:

Moses said to the Lord, "O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue." The Lord said to him, "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say."

Isn't that just insane?!

And it made me feel soooo much better, and my stress disappeared like...like...oh I don't know what it disappeared like, but believe me it disappeared! No butterflies, no sweat, no weak-knees - nothing!

I practiced and practiced and practiced and practiced and you get the picture - so I was prepared.

And I don't think I did so bad.

I mean, honestly, I could have been better. I talked a bit fast at the beginning before catching myself and slowing down - and I admit, when I got up there and felt all those eyes, my stomach did jump around a bit, but I remembered that verse (and Brian Reagan - we've been watching a lot of him lately, and he was totally comfortable cracking jokes in front of thousands of people - so I figured if he could do that, I could do 25 people). I did fine...I think. I hope. ^_^

And you won't believe it! I only mispronounced one word! Stupid "blithe". Doesn't that word look like "blih-the", how was I supposed to know it was "bly-thhh"?

Anyways, I am so relieved THAT is over.

SURPRISE!

Well, there. I've done it.

Finally re-did my blog. After weeks of designing, deleting, re-designing, and re-deleting, I finally have my "new look".

Opinions? You all just have to tell me what you think! :)

(I'm sorry to have caused confusion, I made my blog private for a while so I could fiddle with it all I wanted to without making things look screwy.)

And as a side-note...

I'm waiting anxiously for something to arrive in the mail. I ordered it on Sunday (or rather, my daddy ordered it) and am going to burst if it doesn't come today.

Hint: it has a QWERTY keyboard. :)

Blog Parade Winners, Empty Chairs, and Where The...

I got up at 7:30 on a Saturday morning to draw names...astonishing, huh?

The winner of The Hunger Games is Alexandra! (number 42)

The winner of the adorable tote and necklace is Jenna! (number 80)

Congratulations, you two! Email me with your addresses, and I will pack your prizes and send them off as soon as possible.

Well, what if...you don't want your prizes? Email me just the same, and I will re-draw and give your prize away to someone else. 

Thanks everyone for participating--I had a blast.
____________________________________

I put my iPod on shuffle the other night, and Empty Chairs at Empty Tables from Les Miserables started playing...it is now my favorite song in the whole wide world. It's so sad, and it's directly in my voice-range so I can sing it really loud without my voice cracking (which is nice ^_^). My voice goes pretty low--the last line, I can't hit, but the rest I can.

Anyways, you all need to listen to the song if you haven't--like seriously. Your life will be changed.
____________________________________

And guess what I watched last night? Where the Wild Things Are.

I'm a huge sucker for little kid books, little kid movies, etc.--and I loved this movie. It was so adorable.

Now read this. It made me cry so hard.

Max: Did you make this?


Carol: Yeah, yeah.

Max: It's very good.

Carol: We were gonna make a whole world like this. Now, everyone used to come here, but you know... you know what it feels like when all your teeth are falling out really slowly and you don't realize and then you notice that, well, they're really far apart. And then one day... you don't have any teeth anymore.

Max: Yeah.

Carol: Well it was like that.

And the movie...the movie was really sad. Like REALLY really sad. But it was so good...I want to buy it really badly.
____________________________________


Bloggie-bash winners, don't forget to email me with your address so I can send the prizes to you! :)

Again, thanks to everyone who participated. It was awesome. :)

You know those little things....

....that take so much out of you? Those itty bitty things that shouldn't annoy the crud out of you but do?

Ahhh. My day has been filled with them, or rather, the past few weeks.

I've been having...well let's put it this way: I've been having some friend problems. I've always thought of my friends as incredible, flawless, amazing, etc. But the people who I always thought would be with me have been drifting away.

The little things they say, I say, they do, I do--they are like pin-pricks. The little things keep pricking, and pricking--constantly, some days more than others--and I honestly am going to scream from frustration. I can only take so many pin-pricks, you know?

And my friends are amazing. But we've been growing up, and our relationships have been changing as we are changing--the friendships which I thought I could depend upon forever are crumbling beneath my feet.

It started out with a simple question.

"Is everything okay?" Mom asked.

And the truth was, everything wasn't okay, and I was really hoping that she would ask that question so I could talk about it.

Those pin-pricks, they hurt. When a friend doesn't hug you good-bye, or makes an off-hand comment, or puts you down in front of other people, or laughs at your habits--that hurts. It really hurts. And I hate hiding my hurt, because it makes it worse.

I talked with my momma for about an hour, about all the things that have been accumulating between me and my friends for months. The little things she said, and she did: they uplifted me. They put me back together, and ameliorated my pain.

There are a lot of little things in life, and there are a lot of big things.

Some little things make you hurt, like when you get made fun of in front of everyone.

But some little things make you feel so good...

Like an email from your mom that makes your whole day:

I LOVE your new picture on your blog! It is so nice! I tried to comment, but still was lost……
Mom

Or a cute picture that you stumble upon that makes you start laughing even though it's not that funny...

These little things, they make life sweet. And I can't hold on to the little things that sting, they're just going to make me feel worse. I have to remember that hour-long talk, that email, that picture.

And that talk with my mom, made me realize:

It's not my friends that are truly important, it's my family.

You know what they say, after all....

Friends may come and go, but family is forever.

It's been one of those blech afternoons...

The weather is blank outside...chilly winds, overcast skies--where did that sun disappear to?! Yesterday I was in a tank-top and shorts!

Because of the chilly winds, I've been stuck inside--no running or golfing. Sigh. Seems like I've been sitting at my desk all day long...doing school. More specifically, science and writing--I've finished up most of my other classes.

Writing isn't so bad. I'm working on my portfolio for the class I'm taking, so that's been pretty fun...if school can be called fun.

Science. Ugh. I've been working with this all day long... "In most leaves, the color of chlorophyll overwhelms the colors of the plastids..." Sigh again.

I would look at this afternoon as a definite down, but there's been one benefit from the weather...

...I finished designing Anna's blog! I think it's pretty cute and artsy fartsy (being inside all day long puts ODD phrases into my head...)

Mmmm. I feel like bursting into laughter when reading the phrase "artsy fartsy." My stomach is getting all tight, and laughter is bubbling up my throat...

...Couldn't hold it back, I'm laughing. Which is probably a good thing.

I'm telling you, this weather is driving me crazy. Being holed up all day just does that to me.

I feel like making this face...

Ha. I tried to integrate this adorable picture into the post subtly, but it didn't work. The fact is, I just want to see what you guys think of the picture. Isn't it cute?!

To top it all off, I have had a line from a Geico commercial stuck in my head all day long...

It's the bee's knees!

He Tasted Death

Easter. When I was younger--even last year!--I looked forward to Easter primarily because of all the chocolate. My gramma is huge on buying us tons of chocolate and Reeses and Mike Ike's and all that good stuff. Believe me, when Easter rolls around, we got us some serious chocolate stocks.

Good Friday. I looked forward to that because we got to go to our church and I liked seeing all my friends. Plus, in the Good Friday service there was no sermon--just worship and the Passion clips. How awesome is that?! Mmhm. Great attitude, right?

This year, Good Friday and Easter and Jesus's sacrifice--it was all real to me. I felt alive for the first time in months--and frankly, I just wanted to honor Him with my alive-ness this Easter season. So I payed attention this Good Friday service....

...and I was blown away. My church's Good Friday service is beyond incredible. It is mind-boggling. The awesome band played "Breath of Heaven" with Elizabeth Hunnicutt singing (not entirely sure if it was her, but she sings a lot at Open Door, so I'm pretty sure) near the end over silent clips of the Passion, and I could not stop crying. They had roses and Charlotte Church and "Silent Please" sessions and prayer and worship and dim lights and scripture and clips from the Passion of Christ.

This morning. Easter morning service. Again, I listened instead of letting my mind wander--and again I was blown away.

Our pastor, Dave Johnson, discussed Jesus's death, and talked about things I honestly never thought about.

You ever wonder what happened to Jesus in the three days His body was lying in a tomb?

I haven't. At all. My mind has always flowed from His crucifixion to his resurrection--I never thought about what happened in between.

He tasted death--but the crucifixion wasn't death itself. It was the process of dying.

There's a verse that the pastor gave, I can't remember the reference. But it said that Jesus went into the "lower parts of the earth" to "taste death for every man" (or something along those lines.)

In order for Jesus to experience death's grip, in order to break it and to gain the keys of hell He had to go to hell. For three days. Imagine what He went through. At the hands of the enemy for three days. The torture and agony of the crucifixion was just the beginning.

But then the morning of the third day dawned, and Jesus ascended from the fury of hell. He conquered death--my death, your death. He took our sins and paid the price so we don't have to.

Tell me that doesn't give you shivers! I went cold when I heard it.

Because of Him, we are free. Now that is much more worthy to celebrate than chocolate.

I Officially Hate MckLinky and My Answers! ;)

Did I just say "hate"? I'm sorry.

I officially hate don't understand Mcklinky.

It closed the parade on me! Good grief.

At the end of this post, I'll be listing all the links. Comment, add your link, and I will edit this post adding your link. Kapeesh? ;)

1. If you had to describe yourself in one word, what would you say?

Eccentric.

2. If you could go anywhere in the world with anyone you wanted to, where would you go and who with?

Egypt with my best friends. I would love to see those pyramids--and become a pharaoh while I'm at it.

3. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?

Invisibility. Honestly, think about it for a sec: how much fun would it be to play pranks on people?!

4. What is one habit (or two ;) that you get teased about a lot?

Putting myself down (apparently I do it aaaall the time), calling out fonts (I know I do that all the time) and being so gullible it’s insane. Jenna told me the other day that she was related to Bill Gates—and I believed her.

5. What is (or are) your food obsession(s)?

Skippy’s peanut butter all the way.

6. What is the best April Fools prank you pulled on someone or that someone pulled on you?
Ach, I’ve had so many pulled on me it’s not even funny. It would be tedious to go through them all.

7. If you were an inanimate object, what would you be?

A pair of headphones. Of course.

8. Let's say you could change the world in one way. How would you change it?
Abortion being legal. Ohhhmiword I wish I could change that.

9. You have a million dollars (*gasp* ;). How do you spend it?College, car, camera accessories, a new laptop--and I would donate a lot of it to Feed My Starving Children. Oh, and did I mention Photoshop CS4 and Lightroom?

10. What is one thing that always takes your breath away? (That could mean in a good way OR a bad way)It’s never the same thing. Sometimes it’s a snowfall, a sunrise, a library, dew in the morning, a Bible verse, a page from my biology textbook—it varies. ;)

11. You are granted three wishes. What do you wish for? (Remember, you can't wish for more wishes ;)I would wish that the government would become more God-centered, that a cure for cancer would be found soon, and that I could speak twenty languages fluently. Oh, and I know I'm cheating--but I would love to have a great voice.

12. You can spend the day with one character from a book or series that you've read. Who is that character?I thought this would be really easy to answer, but in reality, it’s not. But I think I would say Moaning Myrtle from the Harry Potter series. I would love to meet her. ^_^

13. What is something odd or interesting about you that is not commonly known?I was going to say I’m really gullible, but everyone that knows me knows that, and besides I mentioned that earlier. So now, I’m going to say that I am fascinated by the brain and would love to learn about psychology.

Also, I love killing my characters, though pretty much all my friends know that. It’s so much fun. ;)

14. What is one thing that you absolutely positively cannot stand?Corny or cliché endings to books or movies. Augh, they drive me crazy. I would rather have a morbid ending than a corny one.

15. Say you commited a crime. The judge gives you a choice between sentences: twenty years of complete solitude in the mountains or never having another moment alone for the rest of your life. Your choice?I was going to say solitude, but I know I would be driven insane. So then I was going to choose the never alone alternative, but honestly? Would I really never want to be alone for the rest of my life?

I’m sticking with solitude. As long as I was able to bring along Carrey and Amanda (camera [named after Jim Carrey] and laptop).

16. What is one benefit that blogging has given you?Ohmiword, definitely meeting all of my awesome friends (Ab, Melian, Marissa, Morgan, Kylie, Lynnette, Awel, Earwen, Emily Joy, Cassie, Olive Tree—everybody. ;).

17. A perfect day in your eyes would be...?
A day filled with friends, family, Carrey, Amanda, writing, music and designing. Pretty vague but oh so true.

THOSE WHO LINKED UP!

(my html is being SO funky right now...AUGH!!!!)

http://emilyjoyphoto.blogspot.com/2010/03/word-craftergiveaway.html

http://regular-life-for-us.blogspot.com/2010/03/upon-my-return-blog-parade.html

http://writingsofasmalltowngirl.blogspot.com/2010/03/upon-my-returnblog-parade.html

http://theannacabana.blogspot.com/2010/03/survey-from-bekahs-blog-parade.html

http://jesusfreakjdsblog.blogspot.com/2010/04/upon-my-return-blog-parade.html

http://wolf-shadows.blogspot.com/2010/03/blog-pararde-questions.html

http://morganofmiddle.blogspot.com/2010/03/bekahs-blog-party.html.

http://blogofthedailylife.blogspot.com/%22

Al at Journies of a Jesus Freak

http://dreamsthatsparkle1.blogspot.com/2010/03/bekahs-giveaway.html

http://absartblog.blogspot.com/2010/03/my-blogging-buddys-blog-party.html

http://goingagainstthecurrent14.blogspot.com/2010/04/blog-hop.html

http://jake041497.blogspot.com/2010/03/bekahs-giveaway.html

http://marissa-apeekintomylife.blogspot.com/2010/04/blog-party.html

http://amberdee19.blogspot.com/2010/04/bekahs-blog-parade.html

http://basketballer4him.blogspot.com/2010/04/blog-parade.html

http://thefaithfulelvenprincess.blogspot.com/2010/04/upon-my-return-blog-parade.html

http://readthisblogitsawesome.blogspot.com/

http://everythingcrazy123-milly.blogspot.com/2010/04/bekahs-blog-parade.html

http://onestepatatimegirls.blogspot.com/2010/04/blog-parade-and-my-1st-one-too.html