Nostalgic

Nostalgic⋅a wistful desire to return in thought or in fact to a former time in one's life, to one's home or homeland, or to one's family and friends; a sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time.

You ever get like that? When you just wish you could go back to so-and-so time?

I was struck with this feeling today, as I was looking back. I was reading my very first diary, when I was nine years old. My biggest problems in those days were forgetting to make my bed and getting in "trouble" because of it, or going a week without seeing my best friend. My nine-year-old self, preserved in the pages of that diary, is so different from my twelve-almost-thirteen-year-old self. It's only been three years, and yet I have changed so much. My problems then were so different from my problems now.

This change is normal, I suppose--growing up. But it's hard. I am going through doors which are slamming behind me--I can't go back. My childish innocence is gone. Gone are the days when I believed fairies were real, and spent my time trying to find one. Gone are the days when I tucked my dolls into bed at night, then ran back to peek into the room to see if they were moving. Gone are the days when I blindly believed the world was full of goodness and love. Gone are the days when I trusted without reservation in God, before worldly doubts started creeping in.

Doors slammed shut. I can't re-open them.

As heart-wrenching as these losses have been, God has been telling me it's okay. Last night, as I was feeling especially nostalgic, I opened my Bible, and my eyes caught on this verse.

"When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things." 1 Corinthinas 13:11

And I realized that I had lost things. I had lost innocence. But I gained maturity. Doubts crept in, but along with them, determination to root them out.

Some days, I still doubt God. I forget to let Him be the highest priority in my life. I forget to trust Him without reservation. It's human nature; I can't completely erase these doubts.

But I can fight them. I can fight them with His Word. I can fight them with prayer.

But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. Pslam 13:5

Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal. Isaiah 26:4

The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. Nahum 1:7

Put your trust in the light while you have it, so that you may become sons of light. John 12:36

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

May God fill you with trust in Him today. May He draw near to you. May He draw near to me. May He dispel our doubts, our worries, our anxieties. May He fill you with joy. May He fill you with love. For He loves you.

Come near to God and he will come near to you. James 4:8

I Can't Believe...

...that NaNo starts in two days!!

I've seen several NaNoWriMo Survival Kits and decided to do one.

1. My Laptop. Thank goodness for it. Did I tell you that I love you, Araldar? ("Araldar" actually means "Evil One" in the language of one of my stories...hm...maybe "Araldar" isn't such a fantastic name for my laptop...)
2. My Notebooks. My main notebook is this tattered one that holds about five plots, random quotes, Bible verses, great books, and excerpts from my stories. I have several others, however; unfortunately, I am very unorganized, and, if I have a "brilliant" idea, I just grab the notebook that's nearest to me. Therefore, I have several notebooks and I have to search all of them to find something specific.
3. My Bible. I have it sitting on my desk so when I get "nano-drepression", I can just look up an inspiring verse.
4. Coffee/Tea/Chocolate. I will most definitely be drinking a LOT more decaf coffee and green tea this month. *grins* The occasional cup of hot chocolate, perhaps. And a LOT of chocolate from the stash my mom got specifically for Halloween, but whose leftovers may be used for more productive purposes. ^^
5. The Work-Out Machine. Working out is a stress-reliever for me, so that contraption will be getting a lot more use this month. ^^
6. Gmail. All my friends on gmail better get prepared for some venting. *laughs*
7. Hannah. Hannah, I'm going to call you a LOT, and most of the conversations are going to be complaining about how far behind I am. And yes, we can always bury names if we get depressed. :) (Inside joke...)
8. My Family. Definitely. Where would I be without them? *grins*
9. My Diary. Oh my word, almost all the entries from this time forth until the end of November will be freaking out about NaNo.
10. My Characters. There would be no story without my awesomely-cooperative characters. One of my main characters, Jole, agreed to die without so much as a soft shriek. And another, Arayna, resigned to being stuck in jail for twelve years. And, of course, my evil character, Imandr, is really a good person at heart, but is determined to impersonate a deliciously-evil character just for me. *sighs* But of course, it's my eminently main character that's being stubborn...she's refusing to let Jole and Arayna die, and says she doesn't need to listen to me. *rolls eyes*
11. Books. Insanely inspiring books.
12. Gimp. *grins* thank goodness for Gimp.
13. Music. Lots and lots of music. I have a song for every mood. ^^

AGH! I'm so excited!! :) On Sunday, I'm setting my alarm for around six, so I can get a few pages done before church. ^^

Since I'm only doing 20,000 words, once I achieve that goal, I'm going to keep pushing and hopefully get 50,000 words so I'm ready for full force NaNo next year.

Why do I get the feeling that I'm going to be doing a lot less eating/playing/hanging out and a LOT more writing/scribbling/screaming? :D

One last thing (Note: this is an edit): An AWESOME giveaway at the Elvish Maiden!! Go enter! :)

I'm Reading...

I'm re-reading the Emily of New Moon series this last week, and am strongly reminded of how much in love I am with those books. Emily is a character that I can totally relate to. Me and her are so alike in every way. It's such an amazing series; I love it.

What else is new...well tonight I did about a half-hour Bible study with myself and God out on the mound of our one-acre lot. The sun was setting, the breeze was just right...it was amazing.

Wow...

I am struck speechless by how much trash there is in this world (bet you weren't expecting that).
I am so overwhelmed by it; sometimes I get incredibly discouraged. The fact that God can continue to love Earth and people in general is amazing to me. How could humans have fallen this far? Satan has such a strong hold on a lot of people, especially in America!
As a Christian, my first priority is to stay un-polluted by this world. James 1:27 says: Religion that God our Father consideres pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself from being polluted by this world.
"and to keep oneself from being polluted by this world." How do I do that?
Well Pslam 119:9-11 says:
How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word.
I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands.
I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.
People, reading the Bible is so key. I have sometimes thought, "Geez, the Bible is boring!" But what other book is impacting the lives of so many people all over the world? But what other book is truly a Living Word? What other book has so many things you can learn in it?
To me, the Bible is truly the most amazing book in the whole entire world.
We have the very words of God in this book. The very words of him who holds the world in his hands. I don't truly appreciate the Bible as I should. The Bible is God speaking to us.
We need to rely on that and prayer to keep us from being unpolluted by this world.