a silent scream

Its funny how one place can feel like a second home, and another place not so different from the first place can feel so foreign.

Its funny how easily people judge other people not so different from themselves.

Its funny how someone's day can be going great and then a single comment can completely ruin it.

Its funny how thoughtless people can be.

Its funny how fast words can pour out of a persons mouth when they're not thinking about what they're saying.

Its funny how condescending people can act towards someone just a few years younger than them.

Its funny how words - mere verbal syllables - can wound someone so acutely, how sounds can cut deeper than a knife.

Its funny how someone can be so repulsed by someone else's behavior, but act that way themselves.

Its funny how everyone tries so hard to be like everyone else.

Its funny how cruel people can be to other people different from them.

Its funny how a person can be so incredibly nice but has no friends because people judge him because of his weight.

Its funny how I can write that sentence but still feel almost ashamed walking with him through the hallways.

Its funny how people talk to someone, laugh with her, maybe even flirt with her - but completely back off when they find out she's two years younger than them.

But its funny how some people couldnt care less if that someone was thirteen or fifteen.

Its funny how vital appearence is

Its funny how someone can live in a world and not understand any of it.

Its funny how someone is forced to go from extreme shelterdness to extreme exposure and is expected to thrive.

Its funny how someone can go their whole life without hearing a swear word and then grow accostomed to hearing curses as a casual part of conversation.

Its funny how empty someone can feel.

I dont understand. I go to school and I sit in classes and walk through hallways and get taught things by teachers, and I notice things. I write them down. I study them like I study chemistry. And after two and a half weeks I have more questions than I have had my whole life.

This has nothing of substance in relation to this post. But sometimes people write things out of pure emotion even if it doesnt make sense, and thats what I'm about to do right now. I apologize.

I've mentioned before how much I hate chemistry. Not the subject. The class.

Well today a boy walked up to me and looked at my worksheet and saw my name printed on the top.

Rebekah Shaffer.

He said to the girl beside him, "what if you changed the 'a' to an 'i'? Rebekah Sh*tter." The people around him cracked up.

And I turned around and I'm like, "It's Rebekah Shaffer." He and his friends are almost in tears because they were laughing so hard.

And he goes, "Aren't those ts?"

And I say, "Fs." And he goes, "Oh well they look like t's. Cya, Rebekah Sh*tter." And they all laugh again and walk back to their seats.

That hurt. It hurt that they called me that, but it hurt more that they were laughing so hard at me. I have a lot of pride. I felt so angry. Yes, call me sensitive. but I get bothered by this stuff. That experience put a pain in my chest that hasnt gone away yet.

And the little things people say hurt too. When someone calls you a b*tch cuz you accidently bump into them, that hurts. When people refer to you as as "you" because nobody knows who you are, that bothers me too.

You know what I cannot stand?

People treating me like I'm a child.

Yes, I may be three years younger than you, but you do NOT have to treat me like I go to elementary school and sharpen crayons all day.

And you know what, jerk? I may be three or four or maybe even five years younger than you. But YOU'RE the one who got a C- on the chemistry test. And you know what I got? An A.

I'm NOT stupid.

I dont understand. Any of this crap.

Help?