things change

It's so funny how things change. People change. Friendships change. And we can't do anything about it. We can try so hard, we can say all the right things, we can say so many words, but change is irreversible. Maturation can't be halted. Time can't be convinced to stand still. Every second that passes, we're changing. Growing. Maturing. We can't possibly be like "hey stop that, let's just stay exactly the same as we are now."

And as people change, friendships change too. We have to adjust our friendships to fit these strange new people that are within them. And sometimes we make mistakes; once we grow so close to each other that we feel comfortable saying anything, some hurtful things can be sad, some hurtful things done. And then even though this friendship has been around all my life, its always been something I can count on, it's fragile and these careless words can break them. Did break them. And suddenly, I don't even know her anymore, she doesn't know me. Who cares that we've been best friends for years? Suddenly we're strangers.

And I could have sworn just six months ago that this girl would be my best friend forever. That we would live next to each other, go to the same college, have kids at the same time so they could be best friends, visit each other every day, have our husbands be best friends. And all of sudden, she's gone from my life, just like that. Doesn't all this history have something to say, some pull to bring in reviving this friendship? It feels like it's dead, and no matter how vivid it was when it was alive, it can't be woken. 

Life's a strange thing. And since she's probably reading this anyway, I'm going to share some pictures of my best friend. I don't care if we aren't talking anymore, or if we are ever going to talk again, but she was the best friend I've ever had and probably ever will have. She knew me better than I knew myself. That might be a cliche saying, but it was 100% true for me and her. My family was her family, her family was my family. I'd walk into her house, say hey to her mom, and open the fridge. And I miss that.

the first time I've received flowers from a boy; or, the awkwardest moment of my life.

Imagine every single awkward moment you've ever had in your entire life, combined into one, times 1000000000000000000000000000000 to the 100000000000th degree, and you won't even be close to imagining last night.

I was asked to prom, with flowers and chocolate truffles, the expensive kind in the box with the ribbon and the gold seal. 

Awwwhh! you might be thinking. That's so sweet! 

Um yeah....no. 

He was terrified, I was mortified, it was awful.

I'll break it down for you.....

I'd heard some rumors that he was going to ask me that night, so I was wearing jeans, my hair up, in a t-shirt with make-up on and contacts in. Sounds casual? When I'm at my house, I'm in sweatshirts, sweatpants, with no makeup, glasses on, hair everywhere. So I was looking pretty good for being at home. 

The doorbell rings, my mom answers it, and yells for me. I come down and he's standing there, holding roses and chocolate. He looks like he's about to pee his pants. I act surprised, "Ohh heeeey ____!"

He doesn't even say hi, just blurts out, "Willyougotopromwithme?" and sticks out the roses and truffles with this frightened half-grimace on his face. 

 I take them, and I said thank you like a million times because I didn't know what else to say...and then I was like "hey could I let you know about prom? I'll think about it and talk to my parents and stuff, and I'll talk to you at school sometime." 

And then we have this split second of just standing there. And believe me, that was the longest freaking split second EVER.

I move toward the door to open it for him, he moves toward me, we do this awkward bobble thing, then say our farewells and he leaves and I start freaking out. 

Even though it was the awkwardest thing of my LIFE, I was happy to receive flowers from a boy for the first time ever..and the truffles are soooo good :)

hahah boys are silly.

A Post About Homosexuality

Homosexuality. 

It's a word banned in typical Christian conversation; and if this frowned-upon word somehow sneaks into a church sermon or Christian dialogue, it's expressed with distaste, disgust and repulsion. 

For example. I went to my grandparent's church this morning, and the sermon happened to be on marriage. The pastor discussed the biblical view on marriage and divorce, and homosexuality was also mentioned. I was shocked by what I heard the pastor say about homosexuality. This pastor, standing up there before hundreds of Christian individuals, completely bashed homosexuality and anyone that was homosexual. 

He said that God loathed anyone that was homosexual, that He could neither forgive nor love a homosexual person, and that homosexuality was an "abomination unforgivable by man and God." 

I sat there, and I was shocked and pretty angry as well. I don't know what your specific beliefs are, but I'm going to tell you mine. I believe that God did specify marriage between a man and a woman, but I also believe that God stressed not standing in judgement about other people. I believe that God loves EVERYONE, regardless of sexual orientation. I believe that God forgives EVERYONE, regardless of sexual orientation. 

I'm not here to discuss whether or not homosexuality is a sin. I'm here to discuss Christians' reaction to homosexuality, the world's reaction to homosexuality. 

I'm not gay, nor would I ever be gay. BUT I don't believe it is my place to sit here and be like "Oh my gosh, gay people are soooo evil and they are for sure going to hell and God hates them and they're horrible people!" I don't believe anyone has any right to have that attitude towards homosexuals.

To me, when Christians sit there, and preach that God loves everyone and we should love everyone, one minute, and then turn around and say "Homosexuals are going to burn in Hell", is extremely hypocritical and reminds me of the Pharisees so detested in Jesus's day. 

So basically, this is what we're doing. We are condemning people publicly because of who they love, when there's a good chance they can't help who they love. One homosexual individual put it this way, "It doesn't feel like biology, it feels like love."

How can Christians be like that? How can we do that? God loves homosexuals just the same as heterosexuals. I firmly believe that.

Did you know that gay and lesbian youth are three times more likely to try to commit suicide than straight youth? Did you know that at one nationwide camp of homosexual youth, 84% of the participants reported being verbally harrassed and bullied because of their sexual orientation?

We are killing kids. That's what that pastor was doing when he stood up there and bashed homosexuals. That's what kids are doing to other kids by using words such as "fag," "dyke," and "gay" to describe one another. 

As Christians, we need to take a stand. We need to treat homosexuals with the same love and forgiveness that we treat everyone else. They are a minority in the United States, they are a group that has been through incredible persecution, they are people that have been bullied, made fun of, rejected, hated, but still have the courage to be honest about their sexuality. 

STOP bashing homosexuals. STOP shuddering whenever you here the word. STOP treating them like sub-humans, like sinners. Because guess what?! We ALL have sinned. Heterosexuals are NO better than homosexuals. So get off your high horse, stop judging, and start living your faith. 

I'm not saying you have to go turn gay or anything. I'm just saying you have to be loving toward them. Act like Jesus toward them; God knows they need it. 

I'm going to leave you with this video...watch it, think about it, and think about your attitude toward homosexuals. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdkNn3Ei-Lg

You! Yeah, you! Guess what? You're beautiful.

We all have those days where the world seems against us. When, for no particular reason, everything everyone does just discourages you or annoys you. Where every glance, every word, builds up until your day is an agglomeration of disappointment, discouragement, and pain. Maybe it was a comment someone made. Maybe it was an attitude someone had towards you. Whatever those things are that discourage you, I'm sure we've all been familiar with them. 

I would like to just write a post about you. You. You know who you are. You're the one reading this post.

You were just scrolling along your blog newsfeed and the title of this blog post caught your eye. You decided you'd like to read my blog, so you clicked on over to The Word Crafter. You've been through a lot and you've had a hard day. Just close your eyes and let that fatigue, that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach, that sadness, let that all wash over you. Yeah, you've had a hard day.

But you know what? You are the most beautiful, unique, smart, kind, talented person I've ever met. You have a way of touching other people's lives, that wherever you go, you leave a trail of good-feeling behind you. You are strong, so strong. You set an example for everyone around you. Even though you stumble sometimes, we all do. You're not alone in this struggle of yours. There are millions of people all around this globe that are feeling the same emotions you're feeling right now, and even though it might be hard to realize right now, you can be certain, as surely as the sun rises every morning, that you will overcome this tough stage in your life, and you will be the bigger and better person because of it.

You know that person in your life, that person who's life goal it is to tear you down and make you feel horrible about yourself? Maybe it's a boyfriend, or a best friend, or maybe even a family member, like your mom or your dad, or maybe a brother or a sister. I know it's ridiculous to even think about, considering everything bad they've done to you, but you need to forgive them. Think about all those things they've said to you; and just let it go. Hard day? Yeah...

I would like to tell you how much I appreciate you. You are such a blessing, to everyone around you, even if you don't realize it. 

I wish I could make you realize just how wonderful you are, just the way you are. And I wish I could make you also realize how much God loves you. Our minds are so small that we can't even imagine it. Even though we fail, and we sin, and we screw everything up, and we ignore Him, and we are arrogant and think we are in control of everything, He loves us. And just because of that guarantee of His perfect love, we should be singing and smiling and praising and dancing until the end of our days. 

Hard day? I know a little bit about those. But so does He. He has seen every day in every person's life every since the beginning of time. And you know what? He cares about your day. I encourage you to talk to Him. You'll find the best friend you'll ever have. And even though He seems far away sometimes, I promise you He's not. He knows you better than you know yourself; after all, He created you.

Stay beautiful.

"You is kind. You is smart. You is important." -The Help. 

If you ever need someone to talk to, just shoot me an email or leave me a comment with yours, and I'll get back to you. I'll be here to listen, if you need someone to. 

the only one we have to please

Fat. Ugly. Annoying. Weird. Loud. No one likes me. I'm not good at anything. I'm not going anywhere with my life. 

Does any of that sound familiar? That voice that always present in your mind - whispering that you're not good enough. That despair when you start to believe those whispers. That hatred that builds up within you - not hatred towards anybody else, but hatred towards yourself. 

That feeling of incompetence, inability; that feeling of I'm just not good enough. Yeah, that feeling? It's been a constant companion for the past three years, or longer. It's just always been in my life. As long as that demon has clung to me, I've been insecure, clinging to meaningless compliments, stretching those compliments as far as I could before I discarded them. Instead of appreciating the opinion of others, I lived for it. It was the only way that I could feel good about myself.

This happens to a lot of us girls. I already see that spirit of dissatisfaction starting in my little sister, and what hurts the most is that I feel like I planted it there. I was always complaining about how I looked, I was always trying to lose weight, or buy more clothes, or perfect my hair and makeup. How could a little girl be happy with what she looked like when her older sister was constantly showing her that it's not okay to like how you look. 

2012? Yeah, I'm changing that. With the help of God, I'm going to leave this demon behind me. I'm not going to be cocky - but confident. I'm taking the opinion of others and throwing it in the trash, because that's all it is. Junk. I don't care if the opinion of others is positive or negative, because there is only one person we need to please and He couldn't care less what kind of clothes we wear, or how pretty we are, or how athletic. I'm laughing because of how pathetic and childish I've been these last couple of years. I got so caught up in Satan's lies, I didn't even realize it. 

My generation's identity is on the opinion of others. Think about it, girls. When was the last time you looked in the mirror and didn't think "oh crap my hair sucks today..." or "wow my makeup is awful" or "why am I so ugly?" When was the last time you looked in the mirror and was like "I may not be perfect, but God made me in His image and He loves me. So I'm going to keep my head up, not listen to the chitter-chatter of this world, and be confident. Not because I think I look good, but because the only one who matters loves me more than I can imagine."

I challenge you, ladies. As Christians in this twisted generation, we are the lights, we are the salt. We have to stand up, we have to set examples, for our friends, for our younger sisters, for strangers. 

Our identity is not based on what we look like. You can't take credit for your beauty. If you're pretty, it's because God made you pretty. What you look like has nothing to do with you. The beauty we should be concerned with is our inward beauty, which to me is so much more important than our outward beauty.

It's repulsive that my generation (including me!) is so obsessed with outward appearances. Obsessed. We're obsessed, possessed, whatever. Satan has a pretty strong hold on our generation, girls. We have to see that, recognize that, and change that. 

My new years resolution? I have a few...

To stop basing my identity on the opinion of others.

To stop the feeling of I'm not good enough.

To stop looking in the mirror and hating what I see.

To stop obsessing over compliments.

To start setting an example for my little sister.

To start setting an example for my friends.

To start building others up.

To start seeing God in others.

To start showing God to others.

To start making my actions louder than my words.

To start being unconditionally rooted in God.

To not saying God I'm ugly but saying I am made in God's image.

To realize God's incomprehensible love for me.

To understand my responsibility as a young Christian girl to bring the light to the people around me.

To live this year WITHOUT the demons that have haunted me for so long.

That's me. I look at that picture and see all of the imperfections in my skin, my smile, my hair, my eyes, my eyebrows. And that has to STOP. 

Who's with me?